Coming To Terms
by racefh853629
Summary: Takes place a few days after "Lucifer Rising". It's not as easy being a human as the angels give credit for.
1. One Small Choice

A/N: Here's my attempt at another Supernatural fic... I don't own Supernatural, the CW, or any other known entity. The title for this chapter and the lyrics at the end are from the song "One Small Choice" by Audiovent. Which I also don't own. Finally, this is extremely loosely based around the season 5 spoilers. Castiel has fallen, and not near Sam and Dean. He is human, for all intents and purposes, but Heaven is ambivalent to him... I'll explain it better later. I promise. :) I hope you guys enjoy it, and please review. :)

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One Small Choice

Trembles are not something he's used to. After all, it's hard to have the shakes when you can't feel the cold. But he can feel it now, and that thought slightly scares him. That's another thing he can feel now- fear. Emotions. Other people. It's a whole new world he never knew existed, even though he saw it before his own eyes.

Until Castiel had been sent down to Earth, humans had been nothing more than magnificent creatures created by his father that he had loved to watch from afar. When he had been offered the opportunity to go down, rescue Dean, and hopefully stop the Apocalypse before it could start, Castiel had jumped for it. He could finally see these wonderful beings up close.

Now, after a year down here, he understands why Uriel didn't think so highly of them. People can be dicks, too.

For the first time since he fell a few hours ago, Castiel wonders if Anna would be proud of his choice. She hasn't spoken to him in some time, and he knows that's because Heaven forbids it. She's working on getting back into good spirits in Heaven, even though she willingly fell before. Castiel, on the other hand, can't be sure if he fell, or was tossed out.

Either way, he's here now.

He wishes that he could still hear the angels, as surely they would know where Dean was. Castiel, however, does not. And he's finding it's not as easy to locate a human when you actually are one. He wishes that he had paid more attention to Sam and Dean, and the ways they used to communicate with each other.

His chattering teeth give him a bit of a headache as he shivers violently on the dark, dirt road. There's no one else out here, as far as he can see, and he prays that he doesn't run across a demon. Or worse- Lucifer. Castiel continues further down the road, hoping to find some human civilization to burrow in until he can get in touch with the Winchesters.

He passes through a field, finding the remains of a building. Castiel recognizes this place as the prophet Chuck described it. This used to be The Roadhouse. The fallen angel walks closer to the remnants, shivering harder as the wind kicks up. He realizes there is something drastically unsettled about this place, but he can't figure it out now that he's no longer otherworldly. He reasons that maybe there are spirits still here, but as they are not attacking him, he figures they are harmless. Castiel moves away from the building, knowing there is nothing left here to help him find his way, and he must move on.

Headlights appear along the deserted road some time later, and Castiel wonders if he should stay in the road or move to hide. He closes his eyes and thinks he's going to move, but nothing happens beyond the car in front of him trying to screech to a halt. It stops a few inches after hitting Castiel in the leg, and the driver gets out to see if the man he hit is alright.

The man seems oddly familiar, but Castiel keeps his coat turned up, feeling something unpleasant from his leg. He deduces this must be true physical pain, something he has never felt before, and now he can understand why Dean had been… well, the only way to describe him was miserable in the hospital.

Feelings. Sensations. This is _really_ going to be a new world.

"Are you okay?" the man asks, and Castiel recognizes the voice.

"Bobby Singer," the fallen angel says.

"Castiel," Bobby replies, confused. "What the hell are you doing out here?"

Castiel tries to shrug but shudders instead, his body feeling frigid to the core. He's going to have to get used to this temperature thing. Rather than focus on that, he turns back to Bobby and says, "I fell."

"What do you mean, you fell?" The older hunter puts an arm around the mystified angel, and Castiel can feel his warmth, followed by a splash to the face. Castiel, however, has come to understand that this is par for the course with hunters.

"The archangel. I don't know how I survived. But, I'm here."

Castiel can tell the hunter is perplexed, and for once, the angel can share in the sentiment. But that feeling of confusion doesn't stop Bobby from putting a cut from a silver knife in Castiel's arm.

"You fell from Heaven? Like Anna?"

Castiel merely nods as Bobby finally helps him up and ushers him into the car, satisfied that Castiel is who he says he is. He instructs the angel to put pressure on the cut with his coat before checking to make sure that he didn't hurt Castiel _that_ badly with the car. A bruised leg. The angel would be fine.

"Dean mentioned Anna," Bobby explains as he climbs in the driver's side. "That was some time ago, though."

"Yes, that was," Castiel says.

Silence falls over the car as both men have so many questions, but neither are sure how to ask them.

Finally, Bobby asks, "How ya feelin'?"

"I don't quite know," Castiel replies.

"Nothin's broken, just some bruises and cuts. Sorry, by the way. Didn't see ya until it was too late. And, the cut… well, can't be too careful."

"I understand. It kind of hurts, though."

Bobby nods. "Must be a new feelin' for ya."

Castiel manages to nod as well, his body still feeling cold along with the hurt. Suddenly, he can understand why Dean is so irritable sometimes.

"How did you fall?" Bobby asks.

"I'm… not sure," Castiel replies. "I don't remember. I just remember getting up from a ditch down the road."

"Yeah, I saw that crater. How come you fell near The Roadhouse? Sam and Dean aren't anywhere near here."

"I don't know why I fell here. Where are Sam and Dean?"

"Upstate New York. I'm heading up there now."

Castiel nods again, trembling frigidly as he watches Bobby reach into the back seat. The hunter hands the angel a blanket before turning up the heat in the car. "Wrap that around yourself before you freeze to death," Bobby instructs.

Castiel fumbles with the blanket, tucking it around his frame as he feels the car's heater kicking in harder. "Is it always this cold?" he asks, settling back against the seat.

"In some spots of the country at some points in the year, yeah. For here and now, no."

"I don't like the cold."

Bobby chuckles softly, digging through his pocket. "Not many people do."

"What are you doing?" Castiel inquires.

"Grabbing my phone," Bobby says, pulling out the aforementioned object.

"Why?"

"So I can call Dean and have him stop worrying about you being dead like he has been for the past few days."

"Dean is worried?"

"He thinks of you as a friend, Castiel. You've been there for him a lot this past year."

"I grew close to him too," Castiel finds himself confessing. "It got me into trouble."

Bobby seems aware of this, but does not say anything.

"How far is New York from here?" Castiel changes the subject, not wanting to think much more on the previous one.

"Few hours if I keep haulin' ass and don't run over any more fallen angels," Bobby says. "Why don't you get some sleep?"

Castiel finally realizes that heavy feeling eyelids mean his body needs rest, and he nods, closing his eyes at Bobby's request. Castiel is finding that being a human is a lot more difficult than the angels gave credit. After all, angels don't need to sleep or eat.

As Castiel starts to fall asleep, he hears Bobby dialing the phone. After a moment, the hunter say, "Dean? I found something."

*~*~*~*

As he starts to wake up, Castiel feels safe in his assumption that it would be morning if the sun were able to peek through the clouds. However, it is raining, and while the fallen angel has always been aware of what rain is like, he's never experienced it like this before. For the first time, he can actually feel the cold wetness that's seeping through the cracks of the clunker car's roof on his skin, and he wonders why some humans find this to be a pleasant feeling.

He also notes that he has to stop thinking of humans as a "them," and start referring to them as a "we," since he is now one of them.

Castiel shifts in the seat, awakening fully and looking over at Bobby. The hunter's focus is on the flooded street before them, and Castiel thinks about whether or not he should alert the driver that he is now awake.

"Sleep well?" Bobby asks, and Castiel realizes that Bobby is more perceptive than he thought.

"I guess so," he replies, looking over. "Where are we?"

"Pennsylvania, about five miles south of the New York border."

Castiel nods, not sure what exactly that means.

"We still have about two hours," Bobby explains as he glances over to the puzzled passenger. "You hungry?"

"Maybe?" Castiel replies. "I'm… I'm not sure."

"Your stomach hurt?"

Castiel assesses that for a minute before nodding in confirmation.

"You're probably hungry. Let's get somethin' to eat."

"Okay," Castiel agrees.

Bobby makes a quick detour and a few executive decisions about what the two of them are going to eat before handing over a bag and a cup to Castiel. "You might like this," Bobby says.

Castiel nods, reasoning that Bobby has to be right. The hunter pulls a breakfast wrap out of his own bag before starting the car up again. Castiel watches as Bobby balances eating and driving in torrential rain.

"You should eat before it gets cold," Bobby instructs, his mouth half-full of the bite he just took.

Castiel nods again, opening up the bag and pulling out a breakfast sandwich with eggs, bacon, and cheese. He has seen Dean eat something similar in the past, and knows that the elder Winchester always seemed to enjoy it. As he takes a bite of the sandwich, he can finally understand why.

So this is what food tastes like.

Bobby grins to himself as he sees Castiel smile, a reaction that he knew had to be foreign. From all the lore he read and from what Dean told him, angels couldn't feel human emotions. But then again, Castiel wasn't exactly an angel anymore, was he?

Castiel takes a sip from the cup Bobby gave him, swallowing down the liquid that was a strange mix of bitter, sweet, and heavy. "What is this?" he asks Bobby, looking over.

"Coffee," Bobby replies, focusing on the road and his breakfast with expert precision.

"It tastes weird. But good."

Bobby chuckles lightly.

"This must be strange to you," Castiel says.

"What's that?" Bobby replies.

"Watching a grown person eat and drink for the first time."

Bobby half-shrugs. "I'm sure watchin' us for the past year was strange to you."

Castiel contemplates that statement. "I think if I knew what it was like to feel, it would have been."

"I bet."

Castiel keeps eating, staring out the window as the miles blur by in the haze of speed, fog, and rain. After what feels like a second out of his already long life, Bobby announces that they have arrived at their destination.

Castiel can't see much of anything through the pouring rain and fogged windows.

Bobby climbs out of the car as Castiel falls out, still not sure how to handle getting in and out of things. Bobby pretends not to find it funny as the fallen angel picks himself up off the ground before slamming the car door shut. Castiel notices Dean's prized Impala a couple spots over, and smiles slightly.

"Over here," Bobby says, ushering Castiel out of the rain and toward a motel room door. The hunter knocks loudly, and is greeted by the youngest Winchester opening the door.

"Hey Bobby," Sam says dismally as he looks down, and Castiel watches him with unassuming eyes.

"What the hell did you do, ya idjit?" Bobby scolds, pushing past the young man and walking into the motel room.

"I'm sorry, Bobby."

Castiel puts his hand on Sam's shoulder, and the younger Winchester looks up.

"Cas?" Sam asks. "I thought you were dead."

"I called your brother yesterday to tell you he wasn't," Bobby says as Castiel and Sam walk in and close the door. "Where the hell is he anyway?"

"He's in the shower. And, he's not exactly talking to me."

"He will get over it," Castiel remarks, sitting down on a chair in the corner. "He always does."

Sam takes little comfort in this, flopping face down onto his bed.

"Might wanna take your coat off, Castiel," Bobby says. "We're gonna be here a while."

Castiel nods, but keeps his coat on anyway.

Dean walks out of the bathroom in a T-shirt and boxers, and spots Bobby first. "Thought I heard you," the elder Winchester says, hugging Bobby.

"Yeah, and I brought you somethin'," Bobby replies, gesturing at where the fallen angel is trying to figure out what is a comfortable sitting position.

"Cas?"

Castiel looks up. "Hello, Dean," he says softly, standing.

"You sound… different."

"You're not going to stab me too, are you?"

"Nah, I trust Bobby." Dean gratefully hugs Castiel, a move that the fallen angel doesn't return, but both are happy to know their friend was still intact. "Chuck said you were dead."

"I have no idea why I'm not."

Dean shrugs, stepping back and finally pulling on a pair of pants.

"Where is Chuck?" Castiel asks.

"Next room over," Dean replies. "Wasn't sure letting you two be in the same room was a good idea. His archangel might come after you."

"I think I would be safe. I'm not a demon."

Dean nods, walking back over to Bobby and starting to talk strategy. Castiel walks over to Sam's bed, sitting down next to the despondent hunter.

"Are you okay?" the fallen angel asks. Sam scoffs.

"I broke the last seal," the younger man replies. "How would you feel?"

Castiel tilts his head slightly. "I don't know."

Sam shrugs, burying his face into the pillow once again.

"May I ask you something?" Castiel begins hesitantly after a moment.

"Sure," Sam replies, his voice muffled by the pillow.

"I'm new at these feelings. What does it mean when there's this full tightness in your-"

"It means you have to use the bathroom," Sam interrupts. "You go in there, take off your pants, and let it out in the toilet."

Castiel blushes slightly as he notices Bobby and Dean have attuned themselves to this conversation. "Right," he says softly. "Thanks."

Sam makes no noise of recognition, and Castiel stands up, walking toward the small room Dean had entered from earlier and following Sam's instructions.

*~*~*~*

Dean waits until the bathroom door clicks shut before turning to Bobby, slightly amused. "He doesn't know how to piss?" he asks.

"You should see him try to eat or get out of a car," Bobby replies, grinning.

Dean simply chuckles.

*~*~*~*

Castiel washes his hands, remembering seeing other humans do that after going to the bathroom but having never known why they did that. He leaves the small room and walks back over to the bed holding the youngest Winchester. Dean and Bobby continue to talk about what's going on outside and how exactly they are supposed to stop it.

Is there lore about killing the devil?

Castiel sinks down next to Sam, who remains downhearted but at least has his head out of the pillow now. "Sam," Castiel tries.

"Save it," the younger man spouts, and Castiel remembers that when pushed hard enough, Sam has the same stubbornness and temper as Dean. "I know I screwed up."

"You're damn right you did," Dean adds from the corner, and the look on Sam's face is all Castiel needs to know that these are probably the first words Dean has said to him in a few days. "I told you Ruby was no good for you."

"Fightin' and blamin' each other isn't gonna help," Bobby cuts in. "We need to work together to get rid of Lucifer."

"You're right, okay?" Sam snaps, finally jumping up off the bed. "I messed up. I get that. But can you stop throwing it in my face for five seconds?"

"You brought Hell on Earth!" Dean shoots back. "What were you thinking, Sam?"

"That killing Lilith would prevent the seal from being broken."

"Because you listened to that black-eyed bitch when you should've listened to me two years ago! I told you she was no good! You can't trust a demon!"

"I KNOW!" Sam screams with more anger than any person in the room was aware he possessed. "I messed up. I know that. It's been screwed up for two years, and that's my fault. I didn't want to trust her, but she seemed helpful."

Dean shakes his head and gets ready to launch into some other angry tirade, but Sam jumps up and stops him.

"I can't take this," the younger Winchester says. "I'm going for a walk."

"It's pouring rain, Sam," Bobby tries.

Sam storms out without another word and his jacket, leaving Bobby and Castiel to look at the other Winchester.

"What?" Dean asks.

_And what if I had never decided this,  
__Would I be here or be gone?  
__And all I ever wanted  
__Was just to see how it could be  
__One small choice_


	2. Hopeless

A/N: I'm glad you guys all liked the first chapter! Here's the second one. See the first chapter for the disclaimer. The title of this chapter, as well as the song at the end, is "Hopeless" by Train. I hope you guys enjoy it, and please review. :)

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Hopeless

With Bobby gone after Sam, the hotel room is quiet. Dean sits at the table in the corner and pours over John's journal, his second most cherished piece of his father after the Impala. Dean has read through this thing several times in the four years it's been in his possession, so much so that he's almost memorized every page and every piece of evidence on every evil thing.

Of course, though, John Winchester has no lore on what to do with Lucifer.

"Maybe you shouldn't be so hard on him," Castiel says finally, still sitting on Sam's bed.

"Why's that, Cas?" Dean replies, uninterested in the conversation but indulging the angel nonetheless.

"He only finished what you started."

Dean slams the journal closed, jumping up from his seat. "Don't you think that's why I'm so pissed? If I hadn't started this, then we wouldn't be here right now, Cas. You'd be enjoying Heaven."

Castiel shrugged one shoulder. "I'm enjoying being human."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Why would you ever want to be a human?"

"Because it's fascinating."

"What's so fascinating about us? Huh?"

Castiel shrugs. "You wouldn't understand. But, this isn't important right now."

"Right. So how, exactly, do we stop Lucifer?"

"I wish I had an answer for you, Dean," Castiel says.

"When Anna fell, she still could hear all of you. You can't do the same?"

Castiel shakes his head.

"How come?" Dean asks, sitting on the bed opposite Castiel.

"I don't know if I fell, or was thrown out," Castiel says, feeling a somewhat familiar tug on his heart strings that he has come to know as regret. He hasn't ever felt regret this strongly before, but he has felt it in the past. At least he has one emotion he's got experience with.

"They send you here when they kick you out?" Dean is confused, and Castiel feels the same way, for once.

"I don't know of anyone who has been kicked out before," Castiel whispers. "Usually, they just kill someone when they want them gone."

Dean falls silent, and Castiel can't tell if that's because Dean's shocked, or because he's thinking.

"What makes you so special?" Dean finally asks after a moment. There's the answer. Thinking.

"I don't know," Castiel replies. "Perhaps because I was the one who raised you from Hell."

"You were a little too late on that one."

Castiel drops his gaze to the floor. "We tried our best, Dean."

Dean knows this, and Castiel knows that Dean knows this. And yet, Castiel feels more regret that he could not have gotten there any sooner. If only he had made it an Earth-month faster…

Castiel shakes his head. There had been no way to get to Dean any sooner than they had. The demons had been particularly possessive of Dean. It had taken the angels two and a half Earth-months to get there in the first place. Although, once it was too late, it was easier for the angels to pull Dean out. After all, the seal was already broken. Dean wasn't exactly needed anymore.

"I guess Sam and I are a lot alike then, huh?" Dean says softly, cutting into Castiel's thoughts.

Castiel tilts his head back and forth casually.

"We always get ourselves into this kind of trouble," Dean continues. "He should have listened to me, though."

"What's done is done, Dean," Castiel says, looking over at the other man in the room. "You know this better than anyone else."

Dean sighs. Castiel's right. He does know that well. But that doesn't mean he wants to admit it.

"What makes us worth keeping around?" Dean asks suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Castiel replies.

"You dragged me outta Hell. The archangels allow you to live and walk among the humans. What makes us so special?"

"'The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it.'"

"And you?"

"One small choice."

Dean doesn't seem appeased by this, but then again, Dean has never seemed eased or okay with anything Castiel has said before. Why should now be any different?

"You really should ease up on your brother," Castiel says. "Like you breaking the first of the seals, Sam was meant to be the one to end it. It's fate."

"I shoulda stopped him," Dean says. "He shoulda listened to me."

Castiel has learned that Dean is stubborn, but will sometimes eventually come around to an idea if he finds the truth. He knows now that this is another one of those times. Until Sam redeems himself, Dean will not believe that Sam had no other choice. Especially since Dean had been trying to stop him.

"You think this is what my father meant?" Dean asks.

Castiel tilts his head.

"He asked me to promise that if Sam was ever going down a dark road, I'd stop him. Do you think this is what he meant?"

"It could be possible," Castiel replies. "I can't tell you for sure, though."

"God, I wish I had been stronger," Dean whispers.

Castiel knows this is something Dean has whispered several times since he found out his cracking in Hell had started this, but he only whispered it when he believed no one else had been around or listening. Except that Castiel had almost always been there, just outside Dean's grasp of reason.

"You're strong enough," Castiel replies. "You can do this."

Dean shakes his head, standing. "I'm hungry," the hunter says, brushing off the comments in his typical fashion. "Let's go get something to eat."

Castiel nods, following Dean out of the motel and down to a nearby diner.

*~*~*~*

Castiel stares at the food on his plate, not entirely sure where to even begin. French fries and cheeseburgers have always appealed to him as long as he's been on Earth, and he doesn't know which to attack first.

Dean notices this, and is mildly amused by Castiel's hesitation. "Just go for it, man," Dean says, trying not to laugh.

"I'm glad you find this so funny," Castiel grunts, slightly embarrassed to look so strange.

"It'd be like you watchin' me try to be you."

Castiel shrugs. "I am afraid of how that would end up."

"Makes two of us," Dean says, taking a drink from his beer.

Castiel picks up his cheeseburger, taking a bite and realizing it's almost as good as he has thought it would be. Dean suppresses a chuckle behind his own meal, and Castiel shoots a glare over to the hunter.

"You're not as scary when you don't have the whole 'angel' thing going for you," Dean remarks, smirking.

Castiel shrugs, taking a larger bite of his cheeseburger before washing it down with the soda Dean had ordered for him. He chews on a French fry, finding it to be a little drier than he expected.

Dean seems to notice Castiel's slight displeasure and passes the angel the ketchup. "Makes all the difference sometimes," Dean says.

Castiel nods, putting some on his plate and dipping the fry in it. Much better.

"Tell me something, Cas," Dean says after a few moments of them eating in silence. "Are we going to beat this?"

"Not without the angels," Castiel replies. "It's not hopeless, though. You have to have faith."

Dean sighs softly. "I hate most of the angels."

Castiel nods, knowing that many of the angels share the same sentiment about humans. Uriel is not the only one that thinks humans are worthless. Castiel still doesn't understand where this idea came from.

"Here's a question," Dean says. "If the angels hate humans because God likes humans more than angels, then why did He tell them to try to get rid of you for trying to save us?"

"The order was to allow Lucifer to be freed," Castiel replies. "I didn't follow that order."

"Why not?"

Castiel takes a large bite out of his cheeseburger.

"You might wanna slow down there, Cas," Dean cautions gently. "Humans get sick if they eat too fast."

Castiel nods, remembering having seen that happen to Dean a time or two. He saw a lot of things about Dean's life. Times when the hunter had no idea Castiel was even watching.

"Why didn't you follow that order?" Dean asks again after the waitress brings him a fresh beer.

"The order to allow Lucifer to be freed?" Castiel clarifies.

Dean nods.

"I don't know. I wasn't sure it was right. Innocent people will be killed."

"When has that ever been a problem for you?" Dean asks, drinking from his beer before chomping down a fry.

"Since this past year happened," Castiel replies casually, eating his fries.

"You mean, since you met me."

Castiel isn't sure if Dean is proud of his affect on the angel or if he's confused, so Castiel doesn't acknowledge the statement. And Dean doesn't seem particularly interested in developing that line of thought any further, anyway.

"Did Bobby really hit you with his car?" Dean asks next.

"Yes," Castiel replies, taking a drink from his soda.

"You okay?"

Castiel shrugs. "The bruise on my leg doesn't hurt as bad as the cut in my arm."

Dean chuckles lightly, nodding. "Don't worry, Cas. The body heals without your angel mojo."

"You are really finding me being human amusing, aren't you?"

"Hell yeah."

Castiel laughs slightly.

_Is anybody waiting at home for you?  
__'Cuz it's time that will tell  
__If it's Heaven, if it's Hell, or if it's  
__Anybody waiting at home for you?  
__'Cuz it's time that will tell this tale_

_You're in and out, up and down,  
__Wonder if you're lost or found,  
__But I've got my hands on you.  
__Are you strong enough to toe the line?_


	3. Bitter

A/N: I'm glad the site's back to behaving. :D You all rock so much. :) See the first chapter for the disclaimer. The title and lyrics at the end are "Bitter" by Nine Days, which I also don't own. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please review.

* * *

Bitter

Dean and Castiel enter the motel room after their lunch and drive in the rain, finding Bobby standing in the corner toweling off his neck. "You're an idjit, you know that?" he starts immediately.

"I'm aware of that," Dean replies, shrugging off his wet coat and plopping onto his bed.

"You live to make your brother feel like shit?"

Dean groans, but doesn't answer Bobby's question. Instead, his worry comes through. "Where is he?"

"In the shower. Answer my question."

"This isn't something that's easily forgiven, Bobby. He brought on the end of the freaking world!"

Castiel coughs from the perch he has taken on the sofa, causing the two hunters to turn to him. "Sorry," he apologizes. "Piece of pie in my throat."

Bobby looks back at Dean, who watches Castiel with brotherly concern. A look that doesn't go unnoticed by Bobby. "You alright, Cas?" the elder Winchester asks.

"Fine."

"Your brother's not," Bobby interjects, picking his fight up again with Dean.

"What do you want me to do about it?" Dean shoots back. "Hold his hand and tell him it's not a big deal, that it's not his fault while Lucifer's armies are massacring and burning innocent people just for the hell of it?"

"You think he doe'n't feel bad enough as it is?"

"He should!"

"He _can_ hear you, you know," Sam interrupts sadly, walking out of the bathroom and flopping onto his bed.

Dean ignores Sam's comment, glaring at Bobby.

"How're you feelin', Sam?" the older hunter asks, his voice gentle despite the anger portrayed on his face. Anger that's currently only directed at Dean.

"Just peachy," Sam mutters into the pillow.

Dean and Bobby go back to their silent argument for a while until Castiel steps forward.

"Fighting isn't going to save the world from Lucifer," the fallen angel observes, causing two of the three hunters in the room to look at him.

"I thought you angels were supposed to be on top of this," Dean snaps. "After all, this is what you guys wanted."

"Once we knew it would be almost inevitable, Dean. Our goal had originally been to stop the breaking of the 66 seals."

Dean half-glares. "Bang up job."

Castiel rolls his eyes, tired of Dean's irritability. "We did the best we could, Dean." Despite the feelings of rage starting to build up inside him, Castiel manages to stop short of blaming Dean for starting this to begin with, as the angel knows he and Dean are the only two in the room aware of that fact.

And besides, the fault doesn't lie with Dean. The prophet Chuck has seen it, and the prophet Chuck has written it. No one's supposed to change that. It's fate.

Yet he and Dean have changed fate… sort of.

"Castiel has a point," Bobby finally concedes, trying to dissipate some of the tension in the room. Which is no small task, given that Bobby's angry at Dean, Dean's angry at Sam, and Sam's depressed. "Now, we need to figure out how to fight Lucifer."

"We can't kill him," Sam mumbles from the pillow.

"So, how do we lock him up?"

The two older hunters look at Castiel.

"Not with a devil's trap," Castiel says in an attempt at humor. Which, unfortunately, falls flat.

"Might help to find him first," Sam mutters.

"If you're gonna talk, get your face out of the damn pillow," Dean snaps.

Bobby swats at Dean, hitting the younger man in the arm. Despite this, Sam turns his head out of the pillow.

"We need to find Lucifer before we can do anything else," the younger Winchester repeats, not looking at anyone in the room.

"Never should've been let out of hell in the first place," Dean grumbles, and Bobby grabs the older Winchester by the scruff of his neck and drags him out of the motel room and into the rain.

*~*~*~*

"Look," Bobby starts the second the door to the room closes. "I know Sam screwed up, but throwing it back in his face every chance you get isn't going to help anything."

Dean glares, but doesn't say anything.

"Cut the kid a break for now. Yell at him more later. Can't you see he feels bad enough as it is?"

"He should," Dean gripes.

"How would you feel if you were him?" Bobby asks. "You just let out the one man who will destroy humanity as you know it, and if that's not bad enough, the one person you've always looked up to your entire life is throwing it back in your face. You might not care for him right now, but that kid still cares what you think about him."

Dean feels pangs of guilt stab him in the gut, if for no other reason than he does know how Sam feels. After all, he started this. Yet, Dean's not giving up the fight. "I'm not gonna friggen hold his hand and tell him he didn't screw up!"

"I'm not saying that. Just don't say anythin'."

Dean scoffs. "Oh, 'cuz that's a whole helluva lot better."

"Dammit, Dean. Stop bein' so damn stubborn. All you Winchesters. You're all stubborn as the day is long."

Dean shrugs.

*~*~*~*

Castiel sits with Sam, who is still lying on his stomach and staring at the wall. "It's not fault that lies with you, Sam," Castiel says, trying to give the younger Winchester a pep talk. "It's fate."

Sam shakes his head. "It's nice of you to say that, Cas, but I know that I messed up bad," the young hunter says.

"Sam, it's not as bad as you think. If you hadn't have broken that seal, someone else would have. Ruby just used your anger toward Lilith to her advantage."

"She's been manipulating me for years. Dean's right. And I let her do it because I thought I was going to get something out of it. And the only thing I got was everything thrown right back in my face."

Castiel frowns.

"I'm an idiot," Sam continues. "And Dean has every right to be pissed off at me and to hate me. Hell, the world should hate me. They're all going to die because of me."

"You and Dean will stop Lucifer," Castiel assures him.

"How, Cas? He could be anywhere in the world right now. And if he ends up somewhere out of driving range, I doubt Dean's gonna go chase him. Dean hates flying."

Castiel shrugs. "Dean can find strength to do anything when he needs to."

"He still only lasted thirty years in Hell. And now, Hell's here on Earth. That's why it won't stop raining."

Castiel knit his brows together. "It doesn't rain in Hell."

Sam finally looks over at Castiel.

"What has Dean told you about Hell?" Castiel treads lightly.

"Not much," Sam replies. "He says he can't describe it, but he was tortured for thirty years before he became the torturer."

"Hell carves the humanity out of its victims. It slices them until they jump off the rack and become the demons that you and Dean have fought off your entire lives. Even if you think they still have some humanity in them, they truly don't."

"Are you saying Dean's a demon?"

Castiel shakes his head. "Dean was not down there long enough to transform."

"But he still jumped off the rack and started torturing people."

"Dean broke. He didn't change."

Sam shrugs, knowing he can't win against the angel.

"Hell is unspeakable," Castiel continues. "It is meant to punish the humans God didn't want in Heaven. The demons punish them for being human in the first place. Those who follow Lucifer get spared and freed to walk the Earth."

Sam nods. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Two years ago, before Ruby came along, a Hell's gate got opened in Wyoming."

"I'm aware."

"What happened to the souls we let out? The ones who weren't demons. Were they sent back to Hell?"

"John was not," Castiel says, answering the question Sam really meant to ask.

Sam furrows his brow, confused.

"John was brought to Heaven, where he rightfully belonged for saving as many people as he did. He only went to Hell because of the deal."

"So, when Dean dies again…"

"He will be in Heaven."

"But I'm going to Hell," Sam sighs painfully.

"I… didn't say that," Castiel replies.

"You don't have to. Anyone who lets Lucifer roam free should be sent to Hell to be punished."

"Hell would actually appreciate you."

Sam groans. "And Heaven wouldn't want me."

Castiel says nothing because he doesn't know the answer, but Sam takes that to mean that the hunter's suspicions are right. He pulls his knees upwards toward his chest, frowning.

"What did I do, Cas?" he asks sadly. "How did I let it get this far?"

"Stubbornness," Castiel replies.

Sam's breath comes out more like a whimper.

"There is time to make things right, Sam," Castiel says. "You're not dead yet."

"No, but if Dean has his way, I will be," Sam replies, fighting back tears.

"Dean would never kill you."

"Wanna bet?"

"You may aggravate him sometimes, but deep down, Dean still cares about you. And he always will, no matter what you do. He wants to protect you from pain, and gets angry when you end up hurting yourself. You releasing Lucifer and the anger Dean feels isn't as much about you as it is that he failed you."

Sam flinches, but whispers, "he didn't fail me."

"He feels like he does," Castiel replies. "And you know how difficult it can be to convince Dean otherwise."

Sam nods slightly.

"You two will be okay."

Sam scoffs lightly. "Yeah. It just won't be in this lifetime."

*~*~*~*

Bobby practically throws Dean through the door of the motel room, both of the hunters soaking wet. "Now then," Bobby says. "Let's work on finding Lucifer."

"The search could take a while," Castiel explains. "The demons will make sure of that."

"So, what then?" Dean starts. "We just sit back and let the angels tell us what to do?"

"The prophet Chuck may have an answer."

"And you're sure the archangel won't come after you?"

"They would have killed me by now."

Dean nods. "Well, let me change first before I go grab him." Dean shoots a pointed glare at Bobby before rummaging through his bag and disappearing into the bathroom.

"I'll get Chuck," Sam says, standing from the bed. He grabs his coat and walks out the door, leaving Bobby and Castiel alone.

"You get anywhere with him?" Bobby asks, nodding toward the door Sam just walked out.

"I don't believe so," Castiel replies.

"Yeah, same here with Dean."

"You didn't expect to, though."

"Damn Winchesters are always so damn stubborn."

"And bitter," Dean says, walking out of the bathroom and glaring at Bobby.

"So you got a little wet," Bobby says. "Get over it, Princess."

Dean rolls his eyes.

_You carry your blues behind your eyes  
__Don't flatter yourself, I will survive  
__So carry your blues, your own denial  
__Your feathers are gone, you'll never fly_

_If I could change anything  
__Then I would wipe the years away  
__If I could change anything  
__Then I would brush the time away  
__If I could change anything  
__Then I would change everything  
__These bitter days shall remain_


	4. CitizenSoldiers

A/N: Happy birthday to poestheblackcat. :D See the first chapter for the disclaimer. The title and lyrics at the end are "Citizen/Soldier" by 3 Doors Down, which I don't own. I hope you all enjoy, and please review. :D

* * *

Citizen/Soldier

The sun has set, and the hunters and Chuck are still at work. Castiel decides to walk outside, not sure how else to help them, especially since Chuck has more of Heaven's answers than Castiel does. Dean doesn't like the idea of Castiel walking alone, but Castiel assures him that he'll be okay.

After all, what harm could come to him?

The rain has stopped and the streets are empty, but the night is brutally cold. Castiel wraps his coat tighter around himself, trying to keep the chill out but it isn't working. Castiel can see his breath, though, and that's something that keeps him entertained.

Mostly because he finds it, among other things, fascinating.

Castiel finds a small park along his walk and decides to sit on a bench and stare at the sky. He can understand why so many humans found the sky comforting. There is so much to look at and yet, nothing to see. The stars are completely full of wonder. Not only for him, but also for many other humans.

He sighs softly, his gut churning from the emotions of the day as well as the tacos Dean insisted they have for dinner. Even after a year shadowing the elder Winchester, he still can't understand what makes him so stubborn. And Sam can be the same way, which always poses trouble when they are on opposite sides of an argument.

Which tends to be often.

While Dean only believes in what he can see, Sam has always maintained faith. If it had been Sam who had gone to Hell with the potential of breaking the seal, the stopping of the Apocalypse could have been a lot easier. Sam has always believed in the angels and in God. He's always prayed. And he always seems to feel that he's destined for more.

And that's why this hurt even more.

It's unfortunate that fate would have Sam be the one to release Lucifer. But Castiel believes that was Ruby's intention from the beginning. He believes she was working with Lilith to befriend Sam so that should Dean be the one to break the first seal, Sam would be the one to break the last seal.

Lilith has a sick sense of humor.

Castiel hears footsteps, and he doesn't flinch. He isn't sure of who's walking up behind him, but he knows that he has no reason to be worried. He's just like any other human enjoying a cold evening in the park. No one has a reason to harm him.

Except for the person who whacks him over the head.

*~*~*~*

After using the bathroom and cursing his brilliant idea for tacos from this shithole town, Dean groans.

"Regretting that dinner decision?" Bobby asks. He, Chuck, and Sam had decided to get sandwiches instead, and now that Dean's sick, he revels in that decision.

Dean groans in response, and Bobby chuckles while looking over at Sam. Yet, the youngest Winchester seems completely unaware of the situation around him.

"Cas hasn't come back yet?" Dean asks.

Bobby shakes his head.

"Never shoulda went out there alone."

"You think somethin's happened to him?" Bobby asks.

"Fallen angel alone in the world where demons pretty much have top billing at the moment?" Dean counters, grabbing his coat.

"Alright. You go find him. We'll see if we can't come up with somethin'."

Dean doesn't need to get the command twice.

*~*~*~*

Castiel is crumpled on the ground, barely holding onto consciousness at the moment. A young girl of no more than fifteen stands over him, watching him, waiting for him to make a move.

Nothing.

"Come on, Cassie," she taunts. "Guy like you should be able to take out a girl like me. No problem."

Castiel groans in response and pain.

"What's the matter? Austin Powers lost his mojo?"

"What do you want with me?" Castiel asks, his voice barely discernable amidst the gurgling of the blood in his throat.

"Oh, sweetness, your head is worth a lot these days. Just like Anna's would've been if she hadn't run back to Heaven."

"I can't be of help to you. I don't know anything."

"That's a lie," she says, kicking Castiel in the chest.

Castiel hacks, spitting blood out onto the grass beneath him. "It's the truth. I have nothing for you."

"You're an angel, Castiel. You have a good idea what the other side's strategy is."

"I don't know what they're doing."

"You're lying!" The girl kneels down, straddling Castiel's thighs as he groans. "You see, Cassie, we're gonna find out what you're up to. We know that you're not really human. We know the truth. So, you might want to just admit it to us."

"I've fallen. I'm human. Why else do you think I'm actually hurt right now?"

She pulls a knife out from the waistband of her jeans, holding it to glimmer in the moonlight. "You know, normally I don't need weapons, but this particular meat suit comes with a few limitations."

Castiel coughs, but says nothing.

"You really and truly believe the Winchesters can stop this? Are you really that naïve, Cassie? You, your so-called golden boys, and the rest of the holy dickwads are going to lose. And you're all going to die."

More blood gurgles out of Castiel's mouth, and he closes his eyes.

"I should just slit your throat here, but I don't think that's a good idea."

"Got that right," Dean grunts as he walks up. "Get off of him."

"Dean Winchester," the girl says, flashing her eyes of black. "Can't believe you actually made it out of there. You know, I should thank you. Without you, I wouldn't be here now."

"Keep talking, and you won't be here any longer."

"You think I'm afraid of you? You're not the man you used to be, and you know it. You got touched by an angel, and now you're more of a coward than your simpering wuss of a brother. At least Sam had the balls to stand up to you when it counted."

Dean unsheathes the knife left behind by Ruby, thrusting it into the demon before she can utter anything else. As her lifeless body collapses, he shoves it aside, leaning over Castiel.

"Cas?" Dean asks. "You with me?"

Castiel briefly opens his eyes to acknowledge Dean before giving into the overwhelming darkness.

*~*~*~*

Castiel moans softly as his senses come to him. He slowly opens his eyes, despite the even heavier feeling in them. So, that's what pain medication's like.

"You okay?" Dean asks softly.

Castiel swallows before licking his dry lips. "I don't know," he whispers, his throat too dry to talk much above that.

"Doc says you'll live." Dean pours a cup of water, walking back over toward the bed. He hands the cup over to Castiel, who takes it with a shaky hand.

Castiel takes a few swallows of the cool liquid. "That's good. Thanks."

Dean nods, taking the cup back and putting it on the bed table. "You gotta be more careful, Cas."

Castiel closes his eyes. "This is a role reversal."

"Believe me, it's weird for me too, but I'm serious. You're on the demons' top ten most wanted. And they don't believe that you can't hear Angel Radio anymore. So, why don't you tell me the truth?"

"About what?"

"What the hell are you really doing down here?" Dean sits on the chair next to the bed, pulling it closer. "Heaven doesn't just let angels go. Not without killing them."

"The truth?" Castiel says, opening his eyes.

"That'd be best," Dean replies.

"Heaven didn't kill me because they know I'm the only one who can get through to you. They need me to keep you in line."

"Then why are you human?"

"They still want me dead. They're just willing to let me be a casualty of the Apocalypse."

Dean shakes his head. "That's cold, man. Maybe you might wanna find a better employer."

"God's not there anymore, Dean. I don't know where He is, but He isn't running the show."

"You sure it's a He?"

Castiel arches his eyebrows.

"Sorry," Dean says, shrugging.

Castiel shrugs slightly, his limbs feeling too heavy to do much of anything.

"So, the angels are using you as their puppet master, and me as the puppet?"

"Yes," Castiel replies.

"Great. You know, I'm not comfortable with the hand up my ass."

"Me neither."

"You're the one letting them do it."

Castiel groans in response, closing his eyes.

"So, you fell, then," Dean says, watching Castiel.

"I'm not sure," the angel replies.

"How can you not be sure?"

"I'm not sure it was my choice to make."

"That doesn't make sense."

Castiel opens his eyes. "I was given an ultimatum- die from the wrath of the archangels for messing with the prophets, or die in the Apocalypse. Either way, I'm dead. The only reason I had that choice was because of you."

"So, they threw you down here to punish you, but held onto you because they need you to help them with me?"

Castiel nods slightly.

"You angels are dicks," Dean says, leaning back in the chair.

"You would know better than most that you have to be a dick to get the tough jobs done," Castiel retorts.

"You callin' me a dick?"

"You have your moments. Why do you think you got the ghost sickness and not Sam?"

Dean glares at Castiel. "Yeah, well, you're a dick too."

Castiel shrugs again, closing his eyes. "It's easy to be a dick when you can't feel anything."

"You sayin' you're gonna stop being a dick?"

"What does it matter what I do?"

"Because you're not an angel anymore, Cas," Dean says. "They wanted the Apocalypse to kill off the humans. Do you think God would've wanted that?"

"No," Castiel replies. "But, He's not there anymore."

"So, who's running the place if God's not there?"

"I have no idea."

Dean shakes his head. "I don't get this. The angels still want me to end this?"

"Save the world."

"But they hate humans and want them gone."

"Yes."

"So, they want the world for themselves?"

"Yes."

"And they threw you out because you wanted to save the humans."

Castiel nods.

"But, they let you live," Dean says. "I'm sorry, Cas, but I was under the impression that if they wanted you out, they'd just kill you."

"I can't give you a clear answer as to why they didn't, Dean," Castiel says, opening his eyes again and almost wishing that Dean would go away so he could get some rest. "They allowed me to choose, but they also threw me out. And I don't know why they're not trying to kill me on top of that." Castiel giggles slightly, even though he doesn't understand what's so funny. "On top."

Dean furrows his brow. "God's gotta still be around somewhere. He should be able to help us."

"Of course He can. But, we have to find Him first."

"And the angels won't help with that, will they?"

"They might if it gets bad enough and if Earth is going to be destroyed."

"And what's God going to do when he realizes the angels actually sanctioned it?"

Castiel shrugs. "Not my department," the angel says sleepily, closing his eyes.

"Maybe they didn't kill you because they know you were acting like God would," Dean suggests, tilting his head to the right and back.

"I don't have all the answers, Dean. Wish I did, though. That'd be cool."

"Yeah, I know." Dean pats Castiel gently on the arm. "Get some sleep, Cas. You need it."

Castiel nods. "Go… do whatever it is you were doing."

Dean shakes his head. "I'm stayin' right here," he says. "Bobby, Chuck, and Sam can handle the research. Someone needs to stay here and make sure no damn demons try to kill you again. And that your medicated ass doesn't hop up and start dancing around."

Castiel shakes his head. "I don't need your protection, Dean."

"Oh really? Because that Hell-bitch would've ripped you limb from limb if I hadn't shown up."

Castiel yawns, the drugs knocking him out more than making him loopy.

"Sleep, Cas," Dean says. "You need it to heal."

"You need sleep too," the tired angel argues quietly.

"Yeah, I know. But you need it more."

The only answer Dean gets is Castiel's light snore.

_Citizen Soldiers  
__Holding the light for the ones that we guide  
__From the dark of despair  
__Standing on guard for the ones that we've sheltered  
__We'll always be ready  
__Because we will always be there_

_Hope and pray that you never need me  
__But rest assured, I will not let you down  
__I walk beside you, but you may not see me  
__The strongest among you may not wear a crown_


	5. You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics at the end belong to "You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison" by My Chemical Romance, which I also do not own. This is an updated version because I realized later on that I changed something in it after I posted it, and this way is better. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and please review. :D

* * *

You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison

Bobby walks into the hospital room, finding both Dean and Castiel asleep. Castiel is burrowed under the blankets, somehow looking even smaller than the man is to begin with. Dean is sprawled in the visitor's chair with his feet on Castiel's bed and his coat as his blanket.

Bobby's tempted to take a picture rather than wake up the young hunter.

A nurse walks in, surprised to find that someone else is in the room. "Sir, it's after visiting hours," she says.

"Please, Miss, he's my son," Bobby explains, gesturing at the sleeping angel.

Of course, she doesn't need to know that humans weren't even thought of when Castiel was born.

"Your sons must be pretty close," she says as she checks Castiel's vital signs with expert hands. Castiel doesn't even stir.

"Yeah, they are," Bobby says. "They've been through hell together."

She nods sadly, screwing a syringe into an IV port.

"What are you giving him?" he asks.

"Morphine," she replies. "His doctor wants him to get it every four hours for the first twelve to help keep his pain down. After that, it'll be as needed."

"That's a rather unusual order, isn't it?"

"Your son insisted on it," she says, nodding at Dean. "Says his brother here would never actually complain about the pain, even though he would be in extreme amounts of it, and he wanted to make sure he'd be comfortable."

"Yeah, that sounds like my boy," Bobby says, watching Dean sleep. "Thanks."

"Sure." She gives Bobby a genuine smile. "My name's Sadie, I'll be his nurse tonight. Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks."

She nods and smiles, walking out of the room.

"You were quick to call him your son," Dean mutters, opening one sleepy eye toward Bobby.

"Had to tell her somethin' to get her off my back," Bobby replies. "Besides, you already told her he was your brother. What name is he usin' here, anyway?"

"Jimmy Novak. What do you got?"

"Right now, a big, steamin' pile of nothin'. No one seems to know where Lucifer is."

"Well, someone attacked Cas tonight. Maybe we should focus on that."

"Sam's already on it."

Dean nods, saying nothing.

"You know, he's afraid to come within a ten foot radius of you, kid," Bobby says.

"Why?" Dean asks. "If I was gonna kill him, I would've done it already."

"He can't stand knowin' you're disappointed in him."

"Disappointed's an understatement there, Bobby."

"You're an idjit."

"Bobby, I'm not havin' this fight here. Last thing we need is to wake Cas up."

"You care more about Castiel than your brother?"

Dean groans.

"You do, don't you?" Bobby says.

"No," Dean replies, annoyed. "But right now, Cas needs me more than Sam."

"I wouldn't bet on that. Your brother's beloved by Hell and hated by Heaven, and when humanity finds out that he's the one that sealed their fate, humanity's gonna kill him."

"He's not hated by Heaven. The angels wanted this."

Bobby looks at Dean like he's going crazy. "_What?_"

"They want humanity wiped out so they can have Earth as a playground. The important angels _really_ hate humans."

Castiel snores.

"And him?" Bobby asks, gesturing at Castiel.

"He's not like the other angels," Dean responds, shrugging. "He likes humans. Apparently, we're fascinating."

"Fascinating," Castiel mumbles sleepily.

Dean furrows his brow. "He talks in his sleep?"

"More like repeats and babbles," Bobby replies, shrugging. "Never makes any sense. And now that he's on drugs…"

Dean grins.

"You need to patch things up with Sam, Dean," Bobby continues.

"If it'll make you feel better, I'll talk to him," Dean concedes. "But not right now. Someone's gotta make sure he doesn't get slaughtered." He gestures at Castiel tiredly.

"Da Vinci Code… tiny people," Castiel whispers.

Bobby and Dean share a look.

*~*~*~*

As morning breaks outside, Sam walks into the hospital room, finding a sleeping Dean much in the same position Bobby did the night before. Bobby is working with Chuck in the hotel room while Sam gets to explain to Dean what they found.

Which is still nothing.

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Castiel says softly, snapping Sam's attention to him.

"I thought you were sleeping," Sam says.

"Not right now. I'm actually kind of awake."

"How're you feeling?"

"Numb. I think. It hurts a little. Medication makes it better."

Sam chuckles softly. "Yeah, it does."

"I'd imagine you and Dean have _quite_ a bit of experience with the meds."

"Yeah, that we do."

Castiel giggles. "Do."

Sam chuckles again. "I think maybe they went a little too far with the pain meds."

"Maybe. They've been good, though. She's been coming in right about when I need them. It's like she _knows_."

"She does, actually," Sam explains. "Morphine usually wears off somewhere between four and six hours after it's given."

Castiel narrows his eyes, more out of confusion than anything else. "How do you know?"

Sam gives him a look.

"Right. Experience. You know, this world is fascinating, Sam. Really and truly fascinating."

Sam smirks.

"And food… it's so good."

"Try what they feed you here and see if you still say that," Sam says.

Castiel laughs. "You're funny," he says.

"You're… pretty drugged."

"Nah, not so much." Castiel shakes his head, clearing the fog for the moment. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You're only one person. And, ignore Dean."

Sam bites his lip.

"Come on now, Cas, that's not nice," Dean says, waking up.

"He should," Castiel replies. "And, I don't believe I have to be nice. Humans aren't nice. You've been calling me a dick for a year now, and while I'm not completely sure what that means, I'm sure it's not nice."

Dean shrugs. "I don't remember callin' you a dick to your face, though."

"I do. And you also called me a spineless, soulless son of a bitch, among other things."

Dean coughs. "So, anyway, what'd you guys dig up?"

"We've got nothing, Dean," Sam says, shaking his head. "No one's gonna give up anything."

"Damn," Dean mutters.

"Chuck did, however, have a prophecy last night."

"Oh? What of?"

Sam looks at Castiel. "He says Cas will eventually hold the key for us."

"How long's eventually?"

Sam shrugs.

"What am I supposed to do to help?" Castiel says, sitting up.

"Hey, ease back," Dean lightly scolds, pushing the angel. "Don't strain yourself."

"Dean, I'm pretty medicated. I don't think sitting up's going to kill me."

"No, but I will if you don't listen to me."

"We've already messed with the prophets once, Dean. You kill me, it'll be even worse."

Sadie walks in, smiling. "I see you're both awake now," she says brightly. "How's the pain, Jimmy?"

"Pretty well controlled," Castiel replies, inwardly amazed at how well lying comes to him. Something he must have picked up from Dean. Then again, answering to Jimmy isn't that hard, given he's been Jimmy for a year already.

"Good. Well, I'm off for the day, but I thought I'd check in on you one last time. Kansas is coming on to take care of you."

"Okay. Thank you for everything, Sadie."

"You're welcome. Take care, Jimmy."

"You too."

Sadie gives Dean and Sam a smile before walking out of the room. Dean grins, turning back to Castiel. "Dude, she wants you," Dean says.

"I don't know about that," Castiel replies.

"She's seen what you have to offer, man, and I'm pretty sure she liked it."

"She's just doing her job." Despite that proclamation, Castiel is still blushing. "Anyway, Chuck's prophecy."

"Right," Sam says. "He knows the showdown is eventually in Wyoming."

"At that damn Devil's Gate?" Dean asks.

"That's the one."

"Dammit."

"So, we go to Wyoming," Castiel says.

"I'm not sure it's that easy," Sam counters.

"Of course not," Dean throws out. "Hell's taking siege. You can bet your ass they're going to be watching out for Lucifer."

"Why would I want to bet my ass?" Castiel asks. At seeing the somewhat perplexed faces of the Winchesters, he smirks.

"I liked you better when you were an angel."

"No you didn't. You thought I was a pretentious twit with a holy stick up his ass."

Dean furrows his brow. "I never said that to you."

"No, but you said that about me."

"Did not."

"You were in that motel off the turnpike in East Rutherford, New Jersey. You and Sam were talking about us angels."

"What, you could hear our conversations?"

"Some of them. Mostly when my name got mentioned. Had to discern between rants and prayers. And that was not easy."

Dean shrugs. "I've never been that easy," he says casually.

"Only with women," Castiel remarks.

Dean furrows his brow. "You know what? You're still a dick."

Castiel smirks.

"Should I just leave you two the room?" Sam asks, earning himself a hard glare from Dean and a confused look from Castiel.

"What do you mean?" Castiel asks.

"We're not having this conversation right now," Dean says. "Where's Bobby?"

"He was gonna grab some breakfast and head over here," Sam explains. "Chuck's heading back home today, but he'll call us if he has any more prophecies."

"Great. When he gets here, you and I need to talk."

"Okay."

"I don't need a babysitter, Dean," Castiel protests.

"Really?" Dean retorts. "Because you're the one that got his ass kicked by a demon last night."

"I'm in a hospital. Who's going to attack me here?"

"Human buildings don't mean anything to demons," Sam says. "Only churches and hallowed ground. Although, for some of the heavy hitters, that doesn't matter."

"I still don't need a babysitter," Castiel disputes.

"Yeah, well, you're getting one," Dean comments.

"You ever think that maybe you're a dick also?"

"That's already been established."

"This coffee isn't as good as the one I had yesterday," Castiel says, changing the subject.

"Hospital food's always subpar," Dean says.

"You'll be able to leave later today," Bobby says as he walks in. "Don't worry too much about it."

Castiel nods as Bobby passes breakfast out to the boys.

"Chuck get home okay?" Dean asks.

"He'll be fine," Bobby replies. "He's got an archangel on his shoulder."

"What would happen if we put Chuck in the same room as Lucifer?" Sam asks, looking mostly at Castiel.

"Well, Lucifer is a big threat," Castiel says. "But I don't know if that would work."

"Archangels can kill angels, can't they?" Dean asks.

"Yeah. Except me. I'm indestructible!"

The three hunters looked at the hospitalized angel.

"Okay, maybe not," Castiel concedes, drinking his coffee.

"Sammy," Dean says, nodding toward the door. Sam walks out and, after a quick glance to Bobby, Dean follows.

"I don't need babysitting," Castiel tries.

"When you get out of here, we're gonna teach you how to hunt," Bobby tells him.

"I already know how to. I just got caught… I think Dean would say, 'with my pants down'."

Bobby chuckles lightly. "Yeah, Dean would say that."

*~*~*~*

"Okay, look," Dean says as soon as the two Winchesters are out in the parking lot. "Yeah, I'm mad at you. Yeah, I'm disappointed in you. But I'm not gonna hurt you or kill you. You're still my brother and even though you're a moron and you've brought on the end of the world, I'm also bein' a dick, and I know that."

"You have every right to be," Sam replies.

Dean shrugs. "Doesn't matter. What does is finding and stopping Lucifer."

"We're screwed."

Dean scoffs. "Understatement."

Sam frowns. "I'm so sorry, Dean."

"Look, Sam, stop. Okay? Because sorry really isn't good enough right now. We need to clean this mess up, and fast, before all of humanity is roasted alive."

Sam sniffles, but nods.

"You wanna fix things?" Dean asks. "Start with worrying more about finding and killing Lucifer and less about what I, or anyone else, think about you. You're still my idiot little brother. You messed up bad here, and you should've listened to me, and I'm pissed, but there are other things to worry about right now. Okay? The only way to make things better is to help fight against this son of a bitch."

"It's not going to make anything better," Sam whispers pitifully.

"Maybe not with you. But with the rest of the world. And, if I were you, I'd keep it under wraps that you broke the last seal."

Sam nods.

"Now, let's go back in there and see if we can't figure something out," Dean says, heading back toward the hospital.

Sam follows without another word.

_To wage this war against your faith in me_

_Your life will never be the same._

_On your mother's eyes, say a prayer._

_Say a prayer._

_Now, but I can't,_

_And I don't know if we're just human_

_As God made us,_

_Well I can't. Well I can't._

_Too much, too late, and just not enough of us_


	6. Let it Be

A/N: I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated... been kinda crazy. See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and song lyrics are "Let it Be" by The Beatles. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and please review. :D

* * *

Let it Be

_Dean rolls over in bed, finding someone sitting next to him on his bed. He jumps up into a sitting position, his breath caught in his throat._

"_Dean," Mary says sweetly._

"_Mom?" Dean replies, rubbing his eyes. "What are you doing here?"_

"_I came to see you. My boys. With everything that's going on…"_

_Dean frowns. "Mom, can you tell me something?"_

"_Anything."_

"_Do you think we can do this?"_

_She smiles. "If anyone can, it's you guys. But you're going to need to trust each other."_

"_I don't know that I _can_ trust Sammy, Mom."_

"_I know it's tough. But Sam's committed to working with you." She strokes his hair gently._

_He says nothing, just closing his eyes._

"_You two will work this out. You know that, Dean."_

"_I know, Mom," he says softly._

"_And Sam still loves and respects you," she tells him._

"_I know. I just wish I could've done something. Stopped him."_

_She smiles sadly. "I know."_

"_A lot of innocent people are all gonna die, Mom."_

"_Dean, you need to be strong and have faith."_

"_I know."_

"_You can do this." She squeezes his shoulder gently, giving him a small smile for strength. "You and Sam are stubborn enough to do this."_

_Dean smirks. "Thanks, Mom."_

_She smiles and kisses him gently on the cheek. "Good luck."_

*~*~*~*

Dean rolls over, waking up in the darkness of the motel room. Stretched out on the other bed is Castiel, and Sam is curled up on the cot. Sam had opted to let Castiel take the other bed as the angel continues to recover from the demon attack of two days ago. Castiel had put up a bit of an argument otherwise, but Sam's stubbornness won out in the end, sending the taller man onto the smaller cot.

Dean sits up on the edge of his bed, watching the other two men in the room sleep while he thinks about what his mother said.

What a dream.

*~*~*~*

_Castiel walks along the water's edge, watching the small, mild waves crash against the sandy shore with utter satisfaction. There is something so beautiful and serene about blue waters washing slowly into white sands. Castiel allows the water to roll over his bare feet, the cool trickle contrasting with the warmth of the sand._

_Everything is so stunning._

_The blue skies start to turn a dull gray as clouds roll in over the horizon. Yet, Castiel still feels calm and peaceful. This is his serenity. Thunder crackles from the coming clouds, and the rain begins to pour down in sheets so thick they threaten to drown the only person left on the beach._

_The water crashing over his feet grows warmer with each wave. The waves are growing taller, greedier, swallowing more of the beach as they assault the shore with deadly force. The once calm ocean is now a bubbling stew, and it isn't long before the waves finally reach out and grab Castiel, pulling him into the boiling water and swallowing him whole._

_Castiel thrashes, caught in the torrid ocean and not sure how to get out. His body is searing amidst the salty water, and he can hear the screams and thrashing of other victims. The other people the ocean decides to claim. The other innocent individuals._

"_Cas?"_

_The voice breaks into the water, and Castiel hears it, but he can't discern who the voice belongs to. Hands grab his shoulders, and he feels them pushing him down into the water. Drowning him further. He thrashes wildly, struggling to break the surface. Anything for a breath and some cool air._

"_Cas?"_

*~*~*~*

"Cas," Dean hisses, trying to wake the angel up without waking up his brother. Finally Castiel gasps sharply and snaps his eyes open. Dean can feel the angel trembling in his hands as Castiel struggles to catch his breath.

"Dean?" he whispers, his voice hoarse with terror.

"Yeah." Dean furrows his brow, just watching the other man.

"What was that?"

"I'm guessing a nightmare."

Castiel takes a few shaky breaths as Dean keeps his hands on the angel's shoulders.

"What was it about?" Dean asks.

"I was at the beach," Castiel replies.

Dean smirks lightly, thinking of a way to lighten the mood. "With fat, naked people?"

Castiel shakes his head, relieved for Dean's humor but finding that it's not quite enough to quell the terror within him. "No. I was alone. And it was beautiful. Until… the sky got gray. It started raining. And then I started drowning in boiling water."

Dean arches his eyebrows in the darkness. "The Apocalypse?"

Castiel shrugs. "I think so."

Dean somewhat frowns. "I would say it was just a dream, but…"

"The Apocalypse is real," Castiel finishes for Dean.

Dean sighs, moving his hands off of Castiel's shoulders and onto his lap.

Castiel slides back, sitting with his back against the pillows. He instinctively pulls his knees toward his chest without even realizing he's doing it. Nor does he have any idea why he would want to sit in such a position, except that it's oddly slightly comforting.

Dean watches quietly with a familiar brotherly concern, understanding what a first nightmare can do to a person. He couldn't remember the first time he'd ever had one, but he had been there the first time Sam did. John had been out on a hunt, and Dean had to find a way to comfort the terrified two-year-old from a dream where monsters had reigned supreme. It had been easier to pacify the small child with hugs, a teddy bear, a cup of warm milk, and the promises that it was just a dream and that Sammy could sleep in Dean's bed with him.

But, this is different. Castiel's a grown man, which means that he's not likely to be as easily pacified by hugs and teddy bears. Not to mention that Castiel's dream is very likely to come true, in the sense that the oceans will boil over and people will drown while they are steamed to death. Dean's not sure there actually _are_ words that could make Castiel feel better.

"You wanna watch some TV?" Dean asks.

"Huh?" Castiel asks, looking over. He forgot that Dean was awake with him because he had zoned out.

"TV? Help get your mind off the dream?"

Castiel is surprised to find Dean being so patient, as Castiel has had far more experience with Dean's short side. Yet, Castiel says to the hunter, "Won't we wake Sam?"

Dean looks over at his sleeping brother, who has somehow managed to make his 6 foot, 4 inch frame fit on a 5 foot, 10 inch long cot. The younger Winchester is sleeping in the most uncomfortable position Dean has ever seen him sleep in while laying in a bed, but Sam is snoring and practically unconscious.

"He'll be fine," Dean says. "And, he'd understand."

Castiel nods, and Dean switches on the TV, keeping the volume low and flipping through the channels until they find reruns of an old show to keep them entertained.

*~*~*~*

_Sam is sitting in a park, staring out across the empty field. Mary smiles as she sits down next to him. "Sam," she says softly._

"_Hey Mom," Sam replies dismally. His depression even permeates into his dreams._

"_You need to find a way to get past this."_

_Sam sighs, his breath coming out dark and heavy. "Mom, I started the Apocalypse. Millions of innocent people are going to die, and it's all my fault. How am I supposed to move on from that?"_

"_Dean's going to need your help to end this. You're not going to be able to help him like this."_

_He scoffs lightly. "I don't think Dean really wants my help."_

"_Dean still loves you, Sam," she insists._

"_I don't know, Mom."_

_She smiles sadly. "I do. And a mother knows."_

_Sam manages a small smile._

"_You started this, but you can also end it. And Dean knows that he's going to need all the help he can get. That includes you, Sam."_

"_But, he doesn't trust me. And right now, I'm not even sure I trust myself."_

_Mary reaches up, stroking her hand through Sam's hair. "Give it time, Sam," she says softly. "Everything will be clear soon."_

_Sam frowns, his fears bubbling up in his veins and spewing out as he says, "are we going to die, Mom?"_

_She shakes her head. "You two can stop this, Sam." She kisses his cheek gently. "Good luck."_

*~*~*~*

Sam wakes up, finding Castiel practically tucked in a ball against his pillows while Dean is sitting on the edge of the same bed, watching the angel more than the quiet TV. Sam stretches, having cramped from the uncomfortable sleeping position.

"You alright?" Dean asks, looking over and catching Sam off-guard. Sam's mind hadn't registered that Dean had been watching him, too.

"Fine," Sam grunts, still stretching. "Just slept funny."

"Take the bed." Dean nods at the one he had been sleeping in. "I'll take the cot."

"It's okay. I'm fine."

Dean shrugs, as if to say 'suit yourself.'

"Thanks, though," Sam adds politely.

Dean just nods.

Sam sighs, readjusting to be lying on his stomach with his feet dangling off the edge. Once settled, he finally looks over at where Castiel is staring blankly at the flickering TV screen. Sam furrows his brow before looking over to Dean for an explanation. The older Winchester doesn't respond.

"You okay, Cas?" Sam asks, looking back at the angel.

"Hmm?" Castiel replies, turning to look at Sam.

Sam watches as the blankness in Castiel's expression dissipates in realization of who is asking the question.

"When did you wake up?" Castiel asks.

Sam glances to Dean before looking back to Castiel. "About a minute or two ago," Sam replies.

"Did we wake you?"

"Not at all."

Castiel nods, looking back at the TV.

"You alright?" Sam asks again.

"Yeah," Castiel replies. "Just thinking."

Sam nods, closing his eyes. The image of the serene park flashes into his head, and he half-smiles. _Mom_, he thinks.

*~*~*~*

Dean stays sitting on Castiel's bed while watching his younger brother fall back asleep. There is always this strange feeling that Dean gets when he watches Sam sleep. It's like Sam is suddenly his baby brother again, so quiet and so innocent, even though said baby brother now practically towers over him. And isn't exactly innocent anymore.

How times change.

Dean looks back over at Castiel, finding the angel now actually watching the TV more than just staring at it. Dean nods to himself, moving back to his own bed as he reconciles that the angel will be okay. But Castiel just learned arguably the hardest lesson a human has to learn.

Sometimes the mind is a person's worst enemy.

_When I find myself in times of trouble  
__Mother Mary comes to me  
__Speaking words of wisdom  
__Let it be_

_And in my hour of darkness  
__She is standing right in front of me  
__Speaking words of wisdom  
__Let it be_


	7. Vienna

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. The title and closing lyrics are "Vienna" by The Fray, which I also don't own. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and please review. :D

* * *

Vienna

The lengths of the days seem to grow as answers are few and far between. Castiel continues to heal from the demon attack, his physical body almost back together without pain. Sam's emotional state continues to be depreciated at worst, and his relationship with Dean is still tenuous at best.

Try as they might, Bobby and Castiel can't quite seem to reconcile the Winchesters.

Castiel and Dean are sitting in yet another motel room, trying their best to hide in plain sight. Sam is in the shower at the moment, and Bobby is quickly working his way back to the boys.

Finally, the outbreak Castiel has been expecting for days comes to surface as Dean throws a book against a wall in frustration while he jumps up.

"What the hell are we doing?" Dean spews. "Reading lore? We don't have a friggen thing! No one's ever had to kill the fucking devil! How the hell are we supposed to?"

Castiel sighs softly, unsure of how exactly to respond. But the outburst ends as suddenly as it began as Dean paces more calmly.

"I don't wanna trust the angels," Dean spouts, sounding more like a petulant child than the man of 30 years that he is.

"There may be another way," Castiel says softly.

Dean stops, throwing up his hands. "I'm open to anything right now."

"We need to find wherever God has gone."

"How?"

"That is a very good question."

"What, is God on vacation or something?"

Castiel shrugs. "I don't know. If he is, he has been gone a long time."

"Yeah," Dean resigns. "Long enough for the angels to finally think that the Apocalypse could be a good idea."

Castiel nods, sighing.

"What can we do to find God?" Dean asks, looking at Castiel.

"I don't know," Castiel replies, half-sarcastic. "I forgot to throw the GPS in him before I left Heaven."

"You're becoming a bigger pain in the ass every day."

Castiel smirks. "That so shocking?"

Dean shrugs. "Is there anyone in Heaven that might still be working for the humans?" he asks, going back to the original subject.

"I doubt it," Castiel replies. "Perhaps Chuck can shed some light on that, though. He is the closest connection we have to Heaven right now."

"I'll give him a call. Pretty much anything's worth a shot at this point."

Bobby knocks on the motel room door as Dean starts dialing his phone. Castiel opens the door as Sam finally exits the bathroom.

"You look a helluva lot better than the last time I saw you," Bobby comments, patting Castiel on the shoulder as he pushes past him.

"I feel better," Castiel replies, checking outside before closing the door and bolting it shut.

"That's good. How ya doin', Sam?"

"I'm alive," he mutters.

Bobby gives Castiel a look, and the former angel shrugs as if to say, 'no, nothing's changed.'

"How're we doin' on the Apocalypse?" Dean asks, shifting the mouthpiece of his cell phone down toward his throat.

"Well, it's started," Bobby says regretfully.

Dean groans softly as Chuck finally answers the phone.

Castiel turns to Sam, finding the younger Winchester even more despondent. The past few days, Sam had been starting to come around. But Bobby's news has crushed any gains that Sam has been making.

"I need some air," Sam says finally, grabbing his coat as the thunder crackles outside. Without another word and before anyone can stop him, Sam escapes the room.

"Is there anything we can do?" Castiel asks, looking at Bobby as he gestures to where Sam just left.

"Pray we manage to stop this," Bobby replies. "Before 90% of humanity is gone."

"Thanks, Chuck," Dean says, hanging up. "Chuck's gonna be on the lookout, but he says that it seems like the angels are even scrambling here."

"What if this is the key I hold?" Castiel asks. "What if that's what I'm destined to do?"

"If it is, you might wanna get on that."

"I'm not sure where to start."

"What do you know about God?"

"He is my Father. He will help us, if we can find him."

"And how exactly are we supposed to do that?"

Castiel shrugs. "Pray?"

"I can't imagine He'd be too far away when His creation's about to be seized by Hell," Bobby says.

"But the question is, who is he gonna back?" Dean asks. "Us, or the angels?"

"The angels allowed for this," Castiel says. "God is not going to be happy with them for that."

"Hey, if God gives you the chance to become an angel again, will you take it?"

Castiel shrugs. "I don't know that will happen."

Dean tilts his head to the side, looking around the room. "Where'd Sam go?" he asks, finally noticing his missing brother.

"Said he needed some air," Bobby replies.

Dean groans softly again. "I swear, if he doesn't get his head back in the game here, I'm gonna kill him."

"I think that is what he's hoping for," Castiel whispers, uttering the words that Bobby had been thinking but wasn't willing to say.

Thunder echoes in the silence that follows Castiel's words, and Dean shakes his head. "You two… work on something," Dean says in soft distraction as he grabs his own jacket. "I'm going to find Sam."

Dean is gone before Bobby or Castiel can say another word.

*~*~*~*

Sam shudders as the wind kicks up and the rain pours down, threatening to wash away all of humanity. Though he'll never admit it, Sam is hoping that he either gets struck by lightning or swept away in the current of the nearby river that is in danger of flooding.

Despite managing to save some people, Sam can't see where his powers have done him any good. The torrential downpours that have swept across the country, coupled with the unbearable heat in many places, have shown him just how badly he has messed this up. And now, innocent people are being slaughtered by the truckload.

It makes him sick.

Sam toys with Ruby's knife, the one thing he managed to sneak out of the hotel room under his coat. Ruby. There's the biggest mistake he ever made. She played him from day one, dangling Dean in front of him before doing the same with Lilith. He never should've trusted her. He should've listened to Dean.

Bobby's right. Sam _is_ an idiot.

Sam continues to hold the knife, contemplating ending it all right here, right now. But Sam feels that's the coward's way out, and while he's never been more afraid in his life, Sam also isn't that selfish.

Well, maybe he is.

If he isn't, how come Ruby was so able to jerk him around? His selfishness of not letting go of Dean made him trust her in the first place. And even after Dean came back from hell, he still let his selfish vengeance get the best of him, teaming up with Ruby to kill Lilith.

And look what that's gotten him.

The rain pounding down around him is loud, but he can still hear the footsteps walking up behind him. He clutches the handle of the knife tightly, his body ready for attack.

"Dude, I know you so well," Dean says, his voice barely audible above the rain.

"Yeah," Sam replies, relaxing his posture. "You do."

"Which is why I know you're gonna give me Ruby's knife."

Sam shakes his head, looking down at the puddle forming in the grass. Both brothers are already soaked to the bone at this point. Something else for Sam to feel guilty about- the fact that Dean got soaked searching for Sam.

"Sammy," Dean says softly. "Give me the knife."

"No," Sam whispers.

"Is this how it ends then? What, am I supposed to walk away and let you kill yourself?"

"No."

"Then what is this, Sammy?"

Sam shrugs, shaking his head. "The Apocalypse."

Dean shifts his position, moving into Sam's line of sight rather than standing beside him. "This," he says, gesturing around at the rain. "This is not your fault."

"Really?" Sam counters, looking up. "Because two weeks ago, you were saying the exact opposite."

"Yeah, well, I was wrong. It's my fault, not yours."

"How do you figure, Dean? Were you the one to break the last seal?"

"No."

"Then how is any of this your fault?"

"Because I broke the first one!" Dean shouts.

Sam rests back a bit as Dean's confession sinks in. "What?"

"I… I broke the first one," Dean repeats, his voice much softer. "I started this."

Sam swallows hard, unable to form actual words at the moment.

Dean shakes his head slowly, recalling the words Alastair told him a few months ago. "'And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in Hell. As he breaks, so shall it break.'"

Sam bites his lip, watching in silence as his older brother looks defeated.

Dean knows that if not for the heavy rain, Sam might actually see the tears of guilty regret falling down the older brother's face. But, maintaining his cover, Dean continues softly with, "I know I've been an ass lately…"

Sam scoffs lightly.

"But… it's because I don't know what to do. Innocent people are being killed and ultimately, it's my fault."

"I didn't have to break the last one," Sam concedes, his own depression seeping through.

"But you can't break the other seals without breaking the first," Dean replies dismally. "So, we've both brought on the end of the world."

Sam sighs, nodding and falling silent as the rain continues to pour down over the already saturated Winchesters.

*~*~*~*

Castiel's stomach growls loudly, and he reaches into the plastic bag on the table. He pulls out a large bag of chips, a candy bar, and a bottle of water. He opens the bag, eating the chips as he goes back to the book in front of him.

Bobby chuckles softly, and Castiel looks up. "You've been with Dean too long, son," Bobby says, gesturing at Castiel's food choices.

"They are good," Castiel defends, frowning slightly.

"They're not good _for_ you, though."

Castiel shrugs. "I'll eat an apple later."

Bobby chuckles again, taking a few chips from the bag Castiel has opened. "Definitely been with Dean too long."

*~*~*~*

"I'm sorry, Dean," Sam says, looking at his older brother.

"Sam," Dean says tiredly, looking up. "We've both made this mess. And now, we've both gotta clean it up."

Sam nods again, but says nothing.

"So, I say we get the hell out of the rain, and see if we can't help Cas find God. ... And I sound like a priest."

Sam chuckles softly, sticking the knife back in between his jeans and his belt.

Dean claps his hand over the back of his brother's neck, squeezing it gently to offer what little comfort he can. After all, Sam is still his brother. Moronic, and a major pain in the ass at times, but still his brother.

Sam watches his feet as they leave the park, his mood still downtrodden. The knowledge of Dean starting this doesn't make him feel any better. Dean wouldn't have even gone to Hell if Sam had just figured out a way to get him out of the deal. But Sam had been too stupid to figure something out, and too slow to save Dean. Instead, Sam had to watch as the Hellhounds ripped Dean's flesh from his bones.

Sam wishes Hellhounds would rip him apart. At least, it'd be something he deserves.

Dean looks over at Sam, seeing the guilty expression hiding in between pain and fear. Dean has seen these expressions so often with Sam, almost as often as he has felt them within himself. And Dean hates himself for not being quicker, not being able to stop Sam from breaking that final seal, and for starting this in the first place.

Dean wishes Castiel was still an angel and that he could wave his time traveling wand, make it so that none of this ever happened. But, none of that can be. They can't take this back.

The only thing they can do is fight to stay alive.

_This is the distance  
__This is my game face  
__There's really no way to reach me  
__There's really no way to reach me  
__Is there really no way to reach me?  
__Am I already gone?_


	8. One Step Closer

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Additionally, the title and lyrics at the end are "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park, which I also don't own. I'm sorry this is so late... life's enjoying running me over. Also, I promise you that Sam will start to get better... just not here. But, fear not, I always come true on my promises. :D I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and please review.

* * *

One Step Closer

Castiel and Bobby watch as the two drenched Winchesters make their way into the motel room. Despite their lack of communication at the moment, Bobby and Castiel can tell that a new level has been reached in their reconciliation. It isn't yet complete, as that will take more time than a few weeks, but it's a start.

It's something they can use.

"Find God yet?" Dean grunts, walking toward the back of the room.

"It's not that easy, Dean," Castiel replies.

"Find anything?" Sam asks softly.

"I'm sure He is not far from here. He would not let His creation be ruined like this."

"You being sure isn't exactly good enough right now," Dean says.

"I did find something," Castiel continues, ignoring Dean's attempt at an insult. "There is a very special amulet that acts as a… well, what you might call a 'God Detector'. It glows whenever God is near."

"Okay, where do we find this amulet?" Dean looks over at Bobby.

"I ain't ever heard of it," he says.

"You have," Castiel comments. "You just do not know it yet." Castiel turns the page in the book in front of him, showing Dean a picture.

"My necklace?" Dean asks. Sam's eyes widen as Bobby furrows his brow.

"The very same."

"This can tell us if God's near?"

"Yes."

Dean turns to Sam, who shrugs and looks at Bobby.

"Don't look at me," Bobby says. "I didn't know. I was sure it was for protection."

"Well, I guess in a way, it is," Dean comments, shrugging.

"Yes, it is," Castiel says.

"Great, well, I'm gonna take a shower and change. Then we can grab something to eat."

Sam grabs some clothes out of his bag, jumping into the bathroom before Dean can. The older brother grumbles. "I'm gonna kill you for that," Dean says.

"Go for it," Sam mumbles. Yet, his words aren't heard by anyone other than him.

Dean grabs clothes out of his own bag, shivering lightly. "Well, what else have you guys come up with?" he asks Bobby and Castiel.

"Got a place we might be of use," Bobby replies. "We might be able to stop the threat there."

"Good. We'll head there after we eat."

"And let's get Cas a salad this time," Sam remarks, exiting the bathroom.

"Let's let Cas decide what he wants to eat," Castiel replies, looking at Sam.

"Your lunch was a bag of chips and a candy bar," Bobby reminds him.

"And a bottle of water."

"You need something healthy," Sam says, curling up under the covers of the bed while Dean stakes his claim on the bathroom.

"Water is healthy," Castiel tries, before earning a stern look from Bobby. "What?"

"You better not take all day in there, Princess," Bobby calls to Dean.

"Yeah, whatever," Dean calls back from the bathroom.

*~*~*~*

The four men walk into a nearby diner, sitting down at a table. After the waitress takes their orders, Bobby turns to them. "A town not far from here," he says. "In Colorado. Rufus called and told me about these omens."

"What kind of omens?" Dean asks.

Before Bobby can respond, the waitress comes back with their drinks.

"He didn't really say what they were," Bobby says once she's gone. "Just said that they're overrun with demons."

"Alright," Dean says. "So, we chow down, and shag ass."

"I think I need a dictionary," Castiel says, half-joking.

"Eat fast and get the hell out of here," Sam translates.

"Thank you."

The younger Winchester nods in acknowledgement.

"I thought you were gonna eat healthier," Bobby says, nodding at Castiel's soda.

"What?" Castiel replies. "I ordered a salad."

"And mozzarella sticks," Dean comments, smirking.

"What is wrong with that? It has dairy, bread products, cheese, and vegetables in the sauce. Four of the major food groups Sam told me about." Castiel smirks.

"You keep bein' a smartass, and you're not getting dessert."

Castiel rolls his eyes.

"Excuse me," Sam says, standing and walking away. The three men at the table watch before Bobby and Castiel turn to Dean.

"I thought you talked to him," Bobby says.

"I did," Dean replies. "Even I can't get through to him right now. I don't know what to do, Bobby."

"Give him time," Castiel says. "He will find his way again."

"You keep sayin' that, but I don't see it happening."

"It is not an overnight process, Dean. You, of all people, should know."

Dean glares, but says nothing.

"Emotional pain and the weight of fate is not something you can just shrug off," Castiel continues.

"You've been human, what?" Dean starts. "A grand total of a month and a half? Don't try to lecture me on what it's like to be human."

"Dean, I may not have _been_ human as long as you, but I have _watched_ humans for millennia before you were even thought of. I have seen a lot. I have noticed how much fate can hurt people."

"Look, last thing we need right now is you two at each other's throats too," Bobby grunts. "So, knock it off."

"Okay," Dean says, maintaining his somewhat angry eye contact with Castiel.

Castiel's face is expressionless.

The waitress comes over, disrupting the tension in the group by giving them their food.

"I'll go get Sam," Bobby says.

"No, it's okay," Castiel says, standing. "I will get him. Eat while your food is hot." He walks away, following the path that Sam took minutes before.

*~*~*~*

It doesn't take long for Castiel to find Sam, considering the diner's small and Sam's in the bathroom. The younger man splashes water over his face, sighing and looking at his shaking hands.

"How can I help?" Castiel asks.

Sam jumps slightly before looking into the mirror and seeing Castiel behind him. "I thought you lost that ability to pop into places," Sam says, having not heard the man come in.

"I did. I have learned instead how to be sneaky. How can I help?"

"Help with what?"

Castiel stares.

"You can't, Cas," Sam says, splashing water over his face again.

Castiel walks over to the dispenser on the wall, retrieving and handing the young Winchester a paper towel. "You are not alone, Sam," he says.

"I know. I also know that you guys have no idea how I feel."

Castiel holds his tongue in lieu of placing blame.

Sam sighs, drying off his face. "Dean told me he started this," he says softly. "Is that true?"

"Yes," Castiel replies, leaning against the wall to face Sam rather than stare at him through the mirror.

"How?"

"When he jumped off the rack and started torturing souls."

"Why him?"

"Because your father didn't break."

Sam looks down, tears threatening to form in his eyes. He blinks rapidly to keep them back.

"When Azazel got John's soul in exchange for Dean's life, the demons planned on using him to start the Apocalypse," Castiel explains softly. "Alastair tried for Hell-years, but John would not jump from the rack."

"But I died," Sam says sadly. "And Dean sold his soul for me."

"Yes. And with John having clawed his way out of Hell when the gate opened, there was no one else who could break it. Not for another Earth-year. Not until Dean got there."

"Because I couldn't save him."

"No one could have."

"_You_ did."

Castiel shakes his head sadly. "Not until it was too late."

Sam sniffs.

"The only person at that table who's blameless in this Apocalypse is Bobby," Castiel continues. "But, none of us are to blame."

"Fate?" Sam asks.

"Yes."

"And your part was…?"

"Not getting Dean out of Hell before he broke the seal."

Sam sighs, shaking his head. "Not your fault. If I had broken the deal…"

"You would have died."

Sam closes his eyes, saying nothing.

"Sam, as much as you think you are worthless right now, you are not," Castiel says, stepping closer. "You have a part in this."

"Don't I know it," Sam mumbles.

"In _stopping_ this. We will win, but we can't without your help."

"My 'help' is what got us into this mess."

Castiel exhales slowly, trying to keep his emotions in check. A feat that is becoming increasingly difficult.

"Look, Cas, I get that you're trying to cheer me up," Sam says, looking over at the fallen angel. "And, I appreciate that. But, nothing that any of you do or say is going to make me feel better. Because words can't make this better. We can't just ask Lucifer to stop. The world's ending, and I'm the reason it is. I caused this. So, I'm sorry, but you guys need to stop trying to make me feel better. It's not going to work."

"Sam," Castiel tries.

"Stop. Just… stop, okay? I appreciate the sentiment. I do. But right now, you can't help me. No one can. And all these pep talks just keep reminding me of what I've done. So… just stop with them."

Castiel looks down to the floor as sadness sweeps over him, along with the realization that Sam Winchester is possibly worse than any of them thought.

*~*~*~*

Dean quietly picks at his food, which consists of a cheeseburger and fries. Bobby eats his own dinner while Sam and Castiel's salads sit forgotten. Bobby looks as Dean takes a bite of the fry he'd been holding, swallowing it down as if it is poison.

"You know, if you don't eat your dinner, you won't get any pie," Bobby threatens gently.

Dean shrugs.

"Okay, somethin' must really be wrong if _you're_ refusing pie."

"Just worried," Dean says softly.

"Give Castiel some time," Bobby replies. "He's a better counselor than the rest of us. Been around a lot longer than the rest of us."

Dean shakes his head, chewing on the rest of the fry. "He's my brother. Why can't I get through to him?"

"Because he's a Winchester. Can't get through to any of you."

Dean glares at him from across the table.

"What?" Bobby says. "It's true."

"What if we can't help him, Bobby?" Dean asks. "He had Ruby's knife with him in the park. How are we supposed to fight if I can't trust him around the weapons?"

"Dean, Sam's not gonna off himself. He can't do that to you. He hurt you bad enough by startin' the damn Apocalypse. He ain't gonna make it worse."

Dean says nothing, taking a bite out of his cheeseburger.

"He'll be okay," Bobby says. "Just give him some time. Castiel ain't that stupid. Sam knows he's got all of us. But what Sam's dealin' with… that ain't just a bad day. That ain't just one little mistake. It's huge."

"I know," Dean says softly. "Believe me, I know."

"We need to focus on stoppin' this. Not on each other. If we're gonna have any chance at all, we gotta focus."

Dean nods.

"And keep our strength up, which includes eatin'," Bobby says. "So, eat up, boy."

"Why's everyone jumpin' on Cas's food choices?" Dean asks after a moment of contemplation. "I eat like that, and I'm fine."

"Yeah, well, he can't always eat what you do."

Dean smirks. "He's getting pie."

Bobby rolls his eyes.

_Everything you say to me  
__Takes me one step closer to the edge  
__And I'm about to break  
__I need a little room to breathe  
_'_Cause I'm one step closer to the edge  
__And I'm about to break_

_I find the answers aren't so clear  
__Wish I could find a way to disappear_


	9. Here Comes Horses

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics are from "Here Comes Horses" by Tabitha's Secret, which I don't own either. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and please review! :D

* * *

Here Come Horses

Sam, Dean, and Castiel drive the Impala into Colorado, pulling into River Pass. Bobby is not far behind, arming Castiel while Sam and Dean dig into the Impala's arsenal.

"I do not like guns," Castiel says, holding his hands up rather than take the gun from Bobby.

"Yeah, well, you can't just exorcise demons with a touch anymore," Dean says. "You gotta fight like you're human."

Castiel sighs, conceding and taking the gun from Bobby.

"Angel boy and I will go this way," Bobby says, pointing to the left. "You and Sam go to the right. We'll meet up at the church over there. Cover each other."

"Alright," Dean says. "Be careful. And Cas? Don't hesitate to shoot."

Castiel nods, despite the reluctance on his face.

Bobby and Castiel walk around the town, finding the place in ruins and no one in sight. They make it to the church, and watch as Sam and Dean follow Ellen over. She points the gun toward Castiel, who instantly holds his hands up in surrender, much to the amusement of Dean.

"Ellen, easy," Bobby says. "This here's Castiel."

"Who?" she asks, glaring at the newcomer.

"The angel who pulled him outta Hell." Bobby gestures at Dean, who smiles.

"Oh." She lowers the gun. "Sorry."

"No problem," Castiel says softly, putting his hands down.

"Nice to meet you," she says, opening the door. "Though, if you're gonna hunt, ya might not want to throw your hands up every time someone points a gun at you."

Castiel nods. "Noted."

Dean and Sam walk in first, followed by Castiel and Bobby.

Ellen turns around, hugging Dean. "Boy, am I glad to see you guys," she says. She lets go and takes a step back before slapping Dean across the face. "The can of whoop ass I oughta open up on you. You can't pick up a phone? What, are you allergic to giving me peace of mind? I gotta find out from Rufus that you're alive?"

"I'm sorry, Ellen," Dean says.

"Yeah, you better be. You better put me on speed dial, kid."

"Yes, ma'am."

Castiel smirks slightly from his position behind Sam.

"What's going on here, Ellen?" Dean asks as they walk down the stairs.

"Rufus was sketchy on the details," Bobby adds.

"Same here," she says. "He just said that this place was overrun with demons. Jo and I weren't too far away…"

"Wait, you're hunting with Jo?" Dean asks.

"Who's Jo?" Castiel whispers to Sam.

"Her daughter," Sam replies quietly.

Castiel nods.

"So, what the hell is an angel doing here?" Ellen says, turning to Castiel.

"Actually, he's not exactly an angel anymore," Dean explains.

"What does that mean?"

"I fell," Castiel says.

"Fell out of Heaven," she says, thinking.

"Yes."

Ellen stares at him.

"…Ma'am?" Castiel adds.

Dean smirks at Castiel's nerves around Ellen.

"I ain't gonna hurt you, boy," she says, slightly amused.

"Yes, ma'am," Castiel says.

She reaches her hand out to him. "Never met an angel before."

"I wish we had met when I still was one." Castiel shakes her hand as they walk into the room with the others.

"Did Rufus tell you what kinds of omens he was chasin'?" Bobby asks.

"He said something about the water running dirty and a star falling," Ellen replies.

"War," Castiel says immediately, causing the hunters and the ten others in the room to look at him.

"What?" Dean asks.

"Those are the omens of War. The one who rides the red horse."

Dean and Sam look at each other. "The red Mustang on Main," they say at the same time.

"How the hell do we find War?" Ellen asks.

"Finding him isn't the hard part," Castiel says.

"Stopping him is," Dean says.

"Right, because we can't kill him," Bobby says.

"Wait a minute," the priest says. "War? The Horsemen?"

"Yes," Castiel says, walking toward the priest.

"So, this is…"

"The Apocalypse."

"What the hell?" the pregnant woman says.

"That's an accurate description," Castiel says. "Fear not, my brothers and sisters. Everything will be fine."

"He sucks at huntin'," Bobby comments to Dean.

"He's not used to not having powers," Dean replies. "He'll do just fine. Plus, he might be able to help us find War faster."

"I sure as hell hope so. Otherwise, he's probably gonna get himself and us killed."

Dean glances at Bobby. "If nothing else, we'll leave him here with these people."

"He may not like shooting, but he will do it if he has to," Castiel interrupts as he walks by. "He'll be fine."

Dean and Bobby exchange glances.

*~*~*~*

It isn't long before they have War pinned down. And after cutting off his finger and, subsequently, his ring, the group leave town, heading to a local bar for a drink.

With a pitcher of beer sitting on the table, Jo and Rufus turn to the man they have yet to truly meet.

"So, you're an angel," Jo says. "But, you're not an angel."

"Yes," Castiel says.

"I'm gonna need more to drink before I understand that," Rufus says, taking a drink.

"You and me both."

Dean smirks, taking a drink from his beer.

"So, what's Heaven like?" Jo asks.

"Bunch of dickwad angels flying around," Dean retorts.

"Actually, no one flies in Heaven," Castiel says. "It's rather frowned upon."

"But they're all dicks."

Castiel shrugs. "They are warriors. They are not meant to be what your television shows have portrayed them to be."

"I'm confused."

"You, of all people at this table, should be able to understand that."

Dean shakes his head. "Not at that. You called angels 'they', but you still said 'your television shows.'"

"I'm not sure where I fit in just yet."

Dean nods. "Fair enough."

"So, angels are dicks?" Jo asks.

"Generally, yes," Dean and Castiel say together.

"You two have been hangin' out way too long," Bobby says.

Dean shrugs, taking a drink from his beer.

"I would not call it 'hanging out'," Castiel says. "It's not like I _wanted_ to be there."

"Oh, you're hilarious," Dean retorts sarcastically.

Castiel smirks.

"I thought angels didn't have human emotions," Ellen says.

"I fell," Castiel says, shrugging.

"I thought when Heaven wanted to get rid of angels, they kill them," Rufus states.

"They do."

"Then how are you still alive?"

Castiel shrugs.

"They're willing to let him get killed by Lucifer and the Apocalypse," Dean says.

"Seriously?" Jo asks.

Castiel nods.

"Man, you need better employers," Rufus remarks.

"That's what he said," Castiel says, pointing at Dean.

"So, how old _are_ you?" Jo asks.

"In Earth-years?"

"What, are years different in Heaven?"

"We don't have time up there."

"Oh."

"I existed sometime before humans, though I don't know exactly how long."

"And you're still the low man on the totem pole?" Dean asks.

"I have an attitude problem," Castiel replies.

Sam snickers.

"Promotions do not happen easily in Heaven," Castiel explains. "No one dies unless they disobey. There is no such thing as retirement. Those above me had been around longer. Those below me had been around shorter."

"Wait, there were people _below_ you?"

"Yes."

"And they still sent _you_ down?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because my garrison was next in line for duty. Not unlike a military unit here."

Dean nods, digesting that information.

"Were you the leader of your garrison?" Jo asks.

"Yes and no," Castiel replies. "Anna was leader until she ripped out her grace. I was second-in-command to Anna, so then I became leader. But Uriel was also a leader as much as he was a specialist."

"Whatever happened to Uriel?" Sam asks.

"He died."

"How?"

"Anna killed him. She saved my life."

"How is Anna these days?" Dean asks.

"I don't know," Castiel says. "She was sent back to Heaven to be dealt with."

"So, probably dead."

Castiel shrugs.

"What about Zachariah?" Sam asks.

"He's the one who ripped out my grace," Castiel says bitterly.

"He was your supervisor, though."

"But he is not in my garrison. He is in a different one."

"One that's above yours."

"Yes. His garrison was groomed to lead others."

"They do that?" Jo asks.

"Yes," Castiel replies. "They groom for specialties."

"What exactly _was_ your garrison's department?" Bobby asks.

"Stopping the Apocalypse."

"They have an entire garrison for that?" Dean asks.

"One they hope they never have to use," Castiel says.

"Bang up job there," Rufus mutters, drinking his beer.

"We failed because our leaders wanted us to fail. That was out of my hands."

"You sayin' Heaven actually _wanted_ this?"

"The _angels_ wanted this."

"I'n't that the same thing?"

"It would be if God was still there and allowing them to do this."

"God's not there?" Ellen asks.

Castiel shakes his head.

"How long's he been gone for?"

"I wish I knew," Castiel says.

"Long enough for the angels to think an Apocalypse would be a good idea," Dean mutters.

"Well, for the leading garrisons to believe that, anyway. I am sure that the garrisons at my level and below were not informed of this."

"More would've rebelled?"

"Perhaps. And maybe we would have actually won."

"We're not out yet."

"We can't kill Lucifer, Dean."

"Well, we'll figure something out. We're good at that. Besides, for now, can we just celebrate this?"

"We will likely lose more than we will win."

"Okay, Cloud-man, stop bringin' the rain."

"Just how drunk _are_ you?" Sam asks, his tone joking all the same.

Dean shrugs.

_Here comes horses  
__And there, there goes the rain  
__Here goes nothing  
__Here it comes again_

_Well, I was thinking I was angry,  
__But I'll let it go  
__I was waiting on a miracle,  
__But nothing showed  
__And they say our new messiah,  
__He's at the local bar_


	10. Let It Roll

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics at the end are "Let It Roll" by Train. I promise, Sam will get lighter... there's just one last moment here. :D I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and please review. :D

* * *

Let it Roll

Dean, Sam, and Castiel roll into Bobby's salvage yard, a place that has always been so full of wonder for Castiel. He never before has had the chance to work on cars, and Bobby is willing to teach him.

If for no other reason than to give Sam and Dean some time alone to talk.

Dean grabs two beers from the fridge before walking over to the couch in the library. He hands one to Sam, who is sitting quietly. Sam slowly twists the cap off and takes a drink.

"You alright?" Dean asks.

"No," Sam replies honestly.

Dean looks down briefly before taking a drink from his own beer.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sam…"

"No, Dean, please. Let me…"

"Sam…"

"I need to."

Dean sighs in concession, not sure what Sam can say now that he hasn't already said or that Dean doesn't already know. "Go ahead, then," Dean says, taking another drink.

"I feel like I let you down, Dean," Sam starts. "Actually, I'm pretty sure I let you down. And… I don't even know why…"

"Sam," Dean interrupts, not wanting to hear any more. "You're my brother. A moron, but still my little brother."

"But… I let you down. I'm sure that this… this wasn't what you wanted for me."

"What 'this'? The hunting lifestyle?"

"The starting of the Apocalypse."

"Sam, how many times do we have to tell you it wasn't your fault?"

"Really? Because I don't think Rufus or Ellen or Jo would be as forgiving."

Dean quirks a half-grin. "That's why you're with us and not them."

Sam sighs, annoyed.

"Look, what do you want me to say?" Dean says, tilting his palms toward the ceiling.

"I want you to shut up so I can talk," Sam replies.

"Fine. Go ahead."

"When we were kids…"

*~*~*~*

_Flashback:_

_Eight-year-old Sam sat at the table, working on his math homework. Dean, at twelve years old, was working on watching TV and ignoring his own homework. After a few more minutes, Sam switched subjects._

"_Dean?" the younger brother ventured._

"_Yeah, Sammy," Dean replied nonchalantly._

"_When's Dad coming home?"_

"_Some time tomorrow."_

"_Okay." Sam went back to writing, and Dean went back to his TV show. After a few moments of silence, Sam said, "Dean?"_

"_What, Sammy?" Dean replied, trying to hide his annoyance. After all, Sam was interrupting the best part of the show._

"_What do you want to be when you grow up?"_

_Dean furrowed his brow. "Why?"_

"_I gotta write what I want to be when I grow up. What do you want to be?"_

"_I wanna be like Dad, but I'm not you, Sammy."_

"_What do I want to be?"_

_Dean shrugged. "I don't know. What do you want to be?"_

_Sam shrugged. "I don't know."_

"_Doctor? Lawyer?"_

_Sam considered the options._

"_Mechanic?" Dean added._

"_I wanna be like you," Sam decided after a moment before turning back to his paper. Had he paid attention a moment longer, he would've noticed Dean smiling proudly at the little brother's proclamation._

_End flashback._

*~*~*~*

"I mean, I know that's changed," Sam continues. "But… I always just wanted to make you proud of me. But… I really messed up here."

Dean swallows, not saying anything because he's afraid his voice will convey the emotions he is trying to hide.

"I failed you, Dean. And… that's… that's a fate worse than death."

"Sam…" Dean starts, clearing his throat.

"I can never apologize enough," Sam continues. "And… I don't think there's anything I can do to make this up to you. To anyone. Because… there really isn't any redemption for starting the Apocalypse."

"Yes there is. Help to stop it."

Sam closes his eyes before taking a drink of his beer. "Stopping it isn't going to make me feel better about starting it in the first place."

Dean groans softly. "It'll help. I'm sure it will."

Sam says nothing, taking a drink and allowing for silence to envelope the room.

*~*~*~*

After a few minutes of trying to explain something to Castiel and being met with confused looks, Bobby asks with mild annoyance, "Do you even know what a wrench is?"

"Yes," Castiel shoots back, slightly frustrated. "It's a tool."

"Good, ya learned somethin'. Now, pick it out of the box."

Castiel picks up a small wrench.

"Good."

Castiel smiles. "I'm not completely useless," he says.

"That remains to be seen," Bobby jokes.

Castiel frowns.

"Aright, this is a socket wrench," Bobby continues, holding it up with a little more of his patience back. "Now, we're gonna use this to fix the door."

"Maybe we should fix the roof first," Castiel mutters.

"Roof's fine."

"The roof leaks."

"Not on this one. That one."

Castiel furrows his brow, looking between the car they are working on and the car Bobby pointed to. "They both look the same."

Bobby shrugs. "That's because they're the same model car."

"Oh. So, how do we fix the door with a socket wrench?"

"Tighten the bolt. Like this." Bobby demonstrates, and Castiel watches with rapt attention. "That makes the hinge more secure."

"And then the door won't fall off."

"Yep. But, you might still fall outta the car."

Castiel glares slightly.

Bobby chuckles, handing Castiel the socket wrench. "Have at it, kid," he says, stepping back to let Castiel get in there.

"Do you have to make it do the clicking?" Castiel asks.

"That's just turnin' the wrench. Ya can't tighten it the whole way around 'cause ya don't have the room."

Castiel furrows his brow in confusion, trying to decipher the explanation. Though, the biggest thought crossing his mind is that even Zachariah's crappy instructions are clearer. "So, yes, it must click."

Bobby nods, sitting back and watching as Castiel works on the door.

"So, Sam said that Dean once rebuilt the Impala," Castiel says after a moment.

"Yeah," Bobby replies. "About three years ago. Bad accident. Car was pretty much scrap."

"How long did it take Dean to rebuild it?"

"Couple months."

"How long will it take before I know how to do that?"

Bobby laughs. "Years, son. Many years."

Castiel shrugs. "I'm a quick learner," he disputes.

"So's Sam, but he still can't take care of that car the way Dean does," Bobby replies.

"Yeah, but I have one thing Sam doesn't."

"What's that?"

Castiel smiles widely. "I was alive before cars were even thought of."

Bobby chuckles, and then shrugs. "But you still don't know how to fix them."

Castiel quirks a shoulder upward. "I was alive, but I was in Heaven. I saw how they put them together, but I never actually tried it." Castiel closes the door he just fixed, smiling. "When I get a handle on working with the tools, I might be good at it."

Bobby shrugs. "Maybe, but the tools are a lot harder than you think."

Castiel grins slightly. "Yeah, I can see that," he says dryly.

Bobby chuckles. "Next lesson…"

*~*~*~*

"This isn't over, Sammy," Dean says after sitting in the silence for a while.

"Yeah," Sam sighs. "It's not over until us and the rest of the world is dead."

Dean rolls his eyes, and is about to respond when his phone rings. "Hello?" he answers.

Sam closes his eyes, dropping his head back against the couch, more out of fatigue than anything else.

"Yeah, I know where that is."

Sam turns his head over toward the bookcase.

"I don't know if there's anything we can do, but we'll take a look."

Sam sighs, opening his eyes as Dean hangs up the phone. "New case?" he asks.

"Haunting in Connecticut," Dean says.

"Like the movie?"

"No. More Amityville Horror."

Sam groans softly. "Great. Do we leave Cas here, or take him with us?"

"Don't know."

"Shouldn't we pass this off to someone else in the area and focus on the big picture? And how do we know that it wasn't just someone going crazy and whacking his family?"

"We'll research it, see if it's our kind of thing. I'll make a phone call."

Sam nods, closing his eyes again. "Go for it. I'll be here."

Dean nods, standing and walking out of the room.

'_Cause all you ever wanted for me  
__Was the time to understand  
__And all I ever wanted for you  
__Was to see me shining for you  
__And I wish that I could be back  
__In the day that I could say  
_"_Let it roll."_


	11. Soldiers Daughter

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. The title and lyrics are from "Soldier's Daughter" by Tonic. I hope you guys enjoy, and please review. :D

* * *

Soldier's Daughter

_He watches as she dances, alone, her body moving to an unheard rhythm. _She can't be more than six years old,_ he thinks to himself. But there she is, dancing, her long chestnut hair glowing as it rolls in waves under the only light in the dark, abandoned room._

_Then again, everywhere is abandoned these days._

_He wants to call out to her, wants to say something, but he can't. He feels like he'd ruin her innocence by uttering even a syllable. He walks slowly toward her, though, his feet barely making a sound as he moves across the wooden floor._

_At least, it used to be wood. He can't really tell what it is now._

_She continues to dance to sounds he can't hear, her movements slow and graceful. He's never seen something quite so beautiful and innocent before. He feels like just watching her is spoiling her innocence._

_She finally turns to see him, and she stops. Not because she's astonished someone else is there. Not because she's been caught. This is something different._

"_Daddy," she whispers._

_He furrows his brow. He doesn't have a daughter… does he?_

"_You will save me, right?" she asks._

_He watches as fire engulfs the room, burning so hot that he feels like he's on the sun. He reaches toward the little girl, the one who looked up to him and called him Daddy, only to find that she is already engulfed in flames herself._

"_You promised me," she cries. "You promised you'd save me. You promised."_

"_Dean?"_

*~*~*~*

"Dean?" Sam asks.

Dean snaps upward, his body trembling from the nightmare. His sudden movement makes Castiel jump as well, as the other man had been enthralled in a book and had seen Dean jump out of the corner of his eye.

Without so much as a word to anyone else, Dean gets up, taking several shaky steps toward the sink. He splashes his face with cool water, taking a few deep breaths.

"Dean?" Sam asks again.

"What, Sammy?" Dean asks finally, somewhat annoyed.

"You okay?"

Dean sighs. "Bad dream."

Sam nods his understanding, looking back to Castiel, who has his nose stuffed back in the book.

"What did you guys find?" Dean asks.

"Abandoned high school," Castiel replies.

"And a bunch of omens," Sam says.

"What kind?" Dean asks.

"Normal demonic omens."

"Trap a demon, he tells us how we can stay in touch with Lucifer," Castiel says.

"How's that gonna help us find God?" Dean asks.

Castiel narrows his eyes slightly, cocking his head to the side. "One thing at a time."

"If we at least know how to keep tabs on Lucifer, we can send God to him when we find Him," Sam explains.

"And who's idea is this?" Dean asks.

Castiel and Sam share a look.

"Never mind," Dean says. "Where's this school?"

"20 miles from here," Sam replies.

"Let's go."

*~*~*~*

They pull up to the school, finding it fenced off and run down. "When was the last time anyone was here?" Dean asks.

"Probably at least 15 years ago," Sam replies.

"Alright then. Let's do this."

The three of them arm themselves before pulling at the hole in the fence and passing through it.

"Sam, you and Cas go that way," Dean instructs.

"Alright," Castiel replies, dragging Sam off before the younger Winchester has the chance to argue.

"What was that for?" Sam hisses softly.

"Dean trusts you to protect me as well as yourself."

"Yeah, but he could probably protect you better."

"Nah, you will do fine," Castiel smiles, clapping Sam on the shoulder.

Sam rolls his eyes. "What's he going to do?"

Castiel gives Sam a critical look. "Have you ever try to get information out of your brother when he doesn't want to talk?"

Sam nods. "Touché."

Castiel shrugs. "If I had to guess, he's playing distraction so we can get what we need."

"Why can't I be the distraction?" Sam asks.

"Because the demons love you too much," Castiel replies.

"That's not my fault."

"I know. And that… is going to be their downfall."

Sam snorts. "Okay, Horatio," he retorts lightly.

"Who?" Castiel asks, confused.

Sam shakes his head. "Never mind. Let's go."

*~*~*~*

A few minutes and several dead demons later, Dean finds himself pushing into the old gymnasium. The place reminds him heavily of his dream earlier, even looking exactly the same- dark, with one light still lit.

And the girl standing under the light.

She looks exactly like the girl from his dreams, and he timidly walks forward. Demons are at the door, and Dean knows he needs to get this girl out of here. The only difference between his dream and this reality is that she's not dancing.

She's crying.

"Little girl?" Dean asks softly.

She spins around, and the face is exactly the one he saw in his dream, except for the tears falling down her cheeks.

"Are you okay?" he asks softly, moving forward.

"They said they would kill me if I moved from here," she cries.

"Who will?"

"The black eyed people."

Dean reaches her, kneeling down so that he's at her level. "No, they won't. Okay? I promise."

She nods, tears still falling down her cheeks.

"You thirsty?" he asks. At her nod, he opens his flask of holy water and hands it to her. "Here ya go."

She takes a drink from it before handing it back to him. "Thank you," she says softly.

Dean nods. "Let's get out of here."

"No! They'll hurt me!"

"No one's gonna hurt you, remember?"

She cries softly, but nods, reaching out to Dean. He picks her up gently, hugging her close. She buries her face against his neck, and he can feel her tears burning against his neck.

The door bursts open, and she whimpers quietly against his neck. Sam and Castiel rush in, finding Dean holding the terrified child.

"We gotta get out of here, fast," Sam says.

"What's going on?" Dean asks.

Sam doesn't get the chance to answer as the door he and Castiel just ran through bursts open again, but this time from the force of a fireball. Before they can blink, half the gym is in flames.

_Shit_, Dean thinks, running out the other door of the gym with the little girl in his arms. Sam and Castiel are right on his heels, and the four of them make it outside before the building is completely gone in a giant mess of fire and black smoke.

Dean puts the little girl down on her feet, but she continues to hold onto his jacket. "You okay?" he asks her softly, gently brushing her hair out of her face.

She nods, looking at Sam and Castiel fearfully.

Castiel kneels down next to her. "What's your name?" he asks her tenderly.

"Heidi," she whispers softly.

"Heidi, that's a pretty name. My name is Castiel. These are my friends, Sam and Dean."

She looks up at Sam before turning to Dean. "He's really tall," she whispers to Castiel as she points at Sam.

Castiel smiles. "Yes, he is. But he won't hurt you. He's a good guy."

She looks at Sam again, smiling slightly. "He's like a giraffe."

Dean laughs loudly while Sam glares at him.

"That's one of his many nicknames," Castiel says with a slight wink. "Heidi, how old are you?"

"Six," she replies proudly.

"Wow," Sam says with a soft smile. "Big age."

She nods before looking around at the burning building and frowning. "Where am I?" she asks.

"An old high school," Castiel replies, forgetting that children don't always understand everything.

"Heidi, where are your parents?" Dean asks, leaning toward her.

"Home," she says simply.

"Where's home?"

"I don't know."

"How did you get here?" Sam asks as he crouches down beside her.

"The black eyed people made me come here," she replies.

"How come?"

"They said something about the Apo… Apo…"

"Apocalypse?" Sam supplies.

"Yeah," she says.

Dean stands up, looking over to Sam, who stands as well. "Get the feeling she was a distraction?" the older brother asks softly.

Sam nods. "Didn't work, though," he tells Dean, matching his brother's tone.

"Heidi, what else did the black eyed people say?" Castiel asks gently, ignoring the other conversation.

"That if I went with them, they'd leave my mommy and daddy alone," she says. "And that if I stood in the big room under the light, they wouldn't hurt me either."

"Would you recognize your house if we drove past it?" Dean asks.

Heidi nods.

"Okay, why don't you get in the back with Cas?"

"Okie," she says.

Castiel opens the door, and she climbs in. He glances at the brothers before following the little girl into the back seat. She clings to Castiel's arm as he straps her in.

"I hope we're bringing this girl back to her parents," Sam says softly.

"I wish she didn't have to know about demons," Dean replies, climbing in.

*~*~*~*

After Heidi identifies her house, Sam and Dean ring the doorbell while Castiel sits with Heidi in the car. An older woman opens the door to the Winchester brothers.

"Ma'am," Sam starts. "We're sorry to bother you so late."

"MOMMY!" Heidi screams, climbing over Castiel and out of the car.

"Heidi!" her mother replies, rushing toward her daughter. The two meet in the middle of the yard, hugging each other tightly. Heidi's father comes to the door, finding the Winchester brothers still standing there.

"Thank you for returning our daughter," he says softly.

Sam nods, shaking his hand. Dean does the same after discreetly making sure the man before him isn't a demon. When nothing happens, Dean smiles to himself.

The two brothers make their way back toward the Impala, but not before Heidi gives them both a big hug and thanks. Dean also discreetly makes sure that Heidi's mother is still her mother before the boys leave the house and drive off into the night.

_But you say that you're all empowered here  
__This is obviously not clear enough to me  
__You can bend, but you can't break  
__You can't break_

_Hey, little girl, keep dancing  
__Hey, little girl, keep dancing alone  
__Because there's not enough time  
__In your day  
__To keep you here_


	12. Fathers Son

A/N: See first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics come from "Father's Son" by 3 Doors Down, and I don't own that, either. Kudos to **poestheblackcat** who picked up on the CSI:Miami reference in the last chapter. :D I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and please review. :D

* * *

Father's Son

Dean wakes up, looking around the hotel room from his position on the couch. Castiel is sleeping peacefully on one of the beds. Sam, however, is nowhere to be found. Dean notices that his keys are still on the table near him, so wherever Sam went, it is within walking distance.

However, something tells Dean that he shouldn't be worried about his brother. He gets up anyway, walking over to the table between the two beds and finding a note.

_Dean-_

_Went out for a walk. Will bring back breakfast. I'm fine._

_-Sam_

Dean reads the note a second time before lying back down on the couch. If Sam says he's alright, then Dean has no choice but do believe him. Sleep isn't exactly coming easily for any of them right now, Castiel included, so it makes sense to Dean that Sam would choose to go for a walk.

"Baseball," Castiel says, rolling over in his sleep. "Hot dogs. Apple pie."

"Do you even know what any of that is?" Dean asks, not expecting an answer.

"Ball… bat…"

"Yeah, maybe your dreams fill in the gaps, but you have no clue what you're saying."

"Pizza."

"Pizza's good."

"I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener…" Castiel sings lightly.

Dean snorts back laughter. "You are so not living that down when you wake up."

Castiel curls up into a ball, resettling in his sleep and falling silent again.

"Man, I wonder what goes through your head when you sleep," Dean says softly, looking at Castiel.

Castiel snores in response.

*~*~*~*

Sam kneels in the pew, his hands folded in front of him. His head is bowed, deep in thought as another man walks in, startling Sam.

"Oh, I'm sorry, son," the priest says. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay, Father," Sam replies.

The priest walks over to stand near Sam's pew. "Something I can do for you?"

Sam furrows his brow. "How do you get redemption?"

The priest tilts his head. "There are many ways."

"Praying doesn't seem enough. Nothing really seems enough."

"God is all forgiving, son."

Sam scoffs lightly. "I don't know if I deserve redemption."

"Everyone is deserving of redemption."

"Not with what… the sins I've committed."

The priest sits down next to Sam. "All sins, no matter how great, can be forgiven."

"Even in the case of murder?"

The priest arches his eyebrows and stiffens slightly.

"I'm not a murderer," Sam says immediately. "I'm not. It's just… something I've always wondered."

The priest nods. "Those who feel true remorse, who truly would never do it again if given the choice, they get redemption. Those who truly repent."

Sam exhales slowly.

"You carry a lot of weight with you," the priest says.

"I did something very bad, Father," Sam replies.

"Would you like to confess your sins? He's listening."

Sam shakes his head. "I appreciate that, Father. I've been praying to Him for a while. I hope He will forgive me and help me."

"He will, son. God loves all His children."

Sam nods, watching as the priest stands. He pats Sam on the shoulder before walking away, leaving Sam back to his prayers.

*~*~*~*

Sam walks back into the motel room a few hours later, finding Dean dozing on the couch and Castiel still sleeping. He places the cups of coffee and the breakfast on the table before taking a sip from one of the cups.

Dean wakes up as soon as he smells breakfast. "Sammy?" he says.

"Yeah, Dean," Sam replies, opening up one of the breakfast containers.

Dean gets up, walking over to the table. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

Dean looks at Sam through the light filtering through the windows, finding a lighter resolve in him. "Where were you?"

Sam shrugs, evading the question with a look over to Castiel. "Should we wake him up?" he asks, gesturing at the sleeping man.

"Mmm… Kelly Clarkson," Castiel mutters sleepily.

Dean grins. "Let him finish that dream," he tells his younger brother.

Sam shrugs with a smirk, turning around and handing Dean breakfast.

"No, they are real," Castiel mumbles.

Sam and Dean look at each other, then at Castiel.

"COLD!" Castiel screams, jumping. A second later, he settles back down.

"Are you sure we shouldn't wake him up?" Sam asks, slightly concerned.

A concern Dean doesn't share as he grins. "Nah," he says, taking a big bite from his breakfast.

Sam shrugs, shaking his head and eating his own breakfast.

"No," Castiel whines softly, causing both of the Winchesters to stop eating and look at him. "No, no, no, no, no."

"Cas?" Sam asks, getting up. Dean follows suit.

"No. No, please, no."

"Cas," Dean says, sitting beside the angel. Dean puts his hand on Castiel's shoulder, and the other man quickly moves away.

"No, no, no," Castiel repeats, pleading in his sleep.

Sam and Dean share a 'what the hell' look.

"Cas, wake up," Sam says, kneeling on the other side of Castiel's bed.

"No," Castiel whimpers, pulling his knees into his chest.

"Castiel, wake up."

"Please…"

"Cas," Dean says, his voice full of concern.

"Dean?" the angel sleepily whimpers, still in the depths of the nightmare.

"Yeah, Cas. It's me."

"What are you doing here? You need to go back."

"It's just a dream, Cas." Dean leans forward, putting his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "Wake up."

"No," the angel whines.

"It's okay," Dean gently reassures. "I promise. Just open your eyes, and it'll all be gone."

Castiel opens his eyes, waking up fully. Sam stays behind Castiel as the angel sits up and pulls his knees into his chest.

Dean keeps his hand on Castiel's shoulder, just watching the angel. After giving Castiel a moment to compose himself, Dean asks, "You okay?"

Castiel simply nods.

"What the hell was that?"

"Bad dream," Castiel simply rasps, pulling his knees closer to his chest.

"Yeah, I got that. What was it about?"

Castiel says nothing, looking down.

"You can tell us," Sam says gently. "It's okay."

Castiel shakes his head, giving the boys the inclination that Castiel hasn't only absorbed their eating habits, but also their stubbornness.

"You sure you're okay?" Dean asks.

Castiel nods, finally settling back against the pillows and relaxing.

Dean moves his hand off Castiel's shoulder. "Breakfast is on the table if you want it."

Castiel nods again, moving toward the end of his bed and getting up. The Winchesters share a look before Dean shrugs and stands up, following Castiel to the table. Sam slowly follows as well, watching Castiel.

Castiel sits in one of the chairs that doesn't have food in front of it, taking the final take out container and a set of plastic utensils. He silently picks at the food in the container under the ever-watchful eyes of the Winchesters.

"Angels do _not_ give humans enough credit," Castiel says quietly, pushing a bite of eggs aside.

"Yeah, we know," Dean says casually, smiling lightly.

Castiel doesn't acknowledge the joke, taking the final cup of coffee and taking a sip from it. "Remember how you asked me if I would become an angel again if I had the chance?" Castiel asks, looking at Dean.

"Yeah."

"I would, only to escape the nightmares."

Dean looks confused while Sam looks sad. "You'd rather feel nothing?" Dean asks. "Feel empty? No emotions? No free will?"

Castiel looks up at Dean, who is somewhere between confusion and annoyance.

"You'd rather go back to having a holy stick up your ass than have emotions? You'd give up food?"

Castiel watches silently.

"Look, nightmares suck, but even if they're flashbacks or memories, they can't hurt you anymore. Getting beat up sucks, but it also can teach you a lesson, even if it's how to dodge or what you're doing wrong in a fight. Being a spineless, soulless son of a bitch, though… is it worth losing human relationships? Emotions? Loyalty? Support? Love?"

"Is being human really all that great?" Castiel shoots back angrily. "You can die!"

"Angels can die too," Dean counters patiently. "Unless you already forgot about your brothers and sisters you've lost in this fight."

"You know I have not," Castiel remarks darkly.

"So, what's so much better about being an angel and feeling nothing?"

Castiel sighs, closing his eyes and pushing his container of food away. He stands up, throwing on some shoes and a coat.

"Where are you going?" Sam asks.

"I need some air," Castiel replies, grabbing a key and slamming the door behind him as he walks out.

Sam and Dean both turn away from the door to look at each other before turning back to their food, knowing that following him wouldn't help.

This is something he needs to reconcile for himself.

*~*~*~*

"I thought you might be here."

Castiel opens his eyes, his gaze meeting Anna's as she stands in front of him. She sits down next to him on the bench, tucking one of her legs underneath her. They are the only two in the park this morning, with most people off living their lives, not knowing that they're on the verge of death.

"It is good to see you," he says softly, pushing thoughts of the Apocalypse aside.

"You too," she replies, smiling lightly.

"Even better to know you're still alive."

She shoots him a light look. "You're the one who sent me up there."

Castiel sighs, looking down. "I was… following orders."

She lets her gaze go back to normal. "I know."

He nods, resting his forehead in his hands while his elbows rest on his knees.

"Being human isn't as easy as you thought, huh?" she asks, slightly amused.

"No," he admits softly before looking at her.

All amusement leaves her face as she rests back. "Ask me."

"Do you regret going back?"

"Yes. But, the regret fades, just like the rest of the human emotions. Especially with the retraining."

He sighs, frowning slightly. "I'm here to be punished."

She rolls her eyes. "Only Zachariah would think being stuck on Earth with Sam and Dean Winchester would be a punishment."

Castiel chuckles softly.

"Did it ever occur to you that your nightmares are more of Zachariah's punishment?" Anna asks.

"Yes," he replies softly.

"If you do survive the Apocalypse, and if everything does end, he'll stop those nightmares. He'll have no more reason to punish you."

He drops his head back toward his chest. "I rebelled. That _deserves_ punishment."

She shakes her head. "Having to live through the Apocalypse as a mortal is enough of a punishment. Every angel knows that."

He nods, sighing.

"Believe me, it's more fulfilling to be human. To feel love, and trust, and loyalty. Everything Dean told you."

He looks back at her again. "Why did you go back, then?"

"Because Alastair and the demons would've killed every human and demon in the room after sending the angels back to Heaven. I had no choice."

He nods again, frowning slightly.

"You'll have your choice if you live. I know that. And, I hope you make the right choice."

Castiel exhales in response, closing his eyes. When he opens them, Anna is gone, and Castiel is alone in the park yet again.

*~*~*~*

Castiel walks into the motel room, finding Sam reading and Dean watching TV. The Winchesters look up as Castiel closes the door.

"You okay?" Sam asks first.

"I'm fine," Castiel replies, his mood decidedly less troubled than it was when he left. He sits down on Sam's bed, next to Dean. "I'm sorry."

Dean shakes his head. "It's fine," he says. "You're still new at the nightmares thing."

Castiel nods.

"What was it of?" Sam asks softly.

"You would not understand," Castiel explains to the younger Winchester while shaking his head slightly.

Sam purses his lips. "What do you mean?"

"You have never been to Hell."

Dean cringes slightly, a movement Castiel notices but doesn't acknowledge. Sam doesn't even notice, choosing instead to nod at Castiel's assessment.

"We need beer," Dean says, getting up.

Sam furrows his brow at the sudden proclamation, but watches nonetheless as Dean fishes through his wallet.

"I'll get it," the younger brother says after sharing a quick look with Castiel.

Dean shrugs, handing Sam the money and watching as the younger man grabs the keys and his coat and leaves the room.

"So, why did he want to get out of here so badly?" Dean asks.

"Awkward?" Castiel suggests with a shrug. "He was the only person in the room who had not been to Hell."

"That what your dream was of?"

Castiel tilts his head to the side and back. "The angelic version of it."

Dean scoffs.

Castiel knits his brows together. "Do not dismiss it so easily. Do you know what happens to an angel when they get too close to the human they protect?"

"This?" Dean asks, gesturing at Castiel.

"They get reminded, not so subtly, of who they really serve," Castiel says. "It is excruciating. It is _exactly_ like Hell."

Dean glares. "How much time have you spent in Hell?"

Castiel glares back. "How long do you think it took me to find you? Do you think it was just like blinking and flying in there to grab you and throw you back into your body?"

Dean shrugs.

"It took us 15 Hell-years to find you," Castiel explains, letting go of the glare. "Fifteen years of watching souls get tortured, fighting demons, trying to get to you. It was _not_ easy. It never is easy to get a soul out of Hell."

"How many times have you had to do it?" Dean asks, genuinely curious.

Castiel shrugs. "Five or six. Except the other souls had orders to go straight to Heaven, not go back into their body on Earth. Which, by the way, was also not easy to do. Those Hellhounds did a number on you."

"Yeah, I know. I was there, remember?"

Castiel frowns at Dean's bitterness. "I'm sorry."

Dean shrugs. "So, your dream was about Angel-Hell?" he asks.

"More or less," Castiel replies.

"Why was Kelly Clarkson there?"

"Who?"

Dean looks at Castiel, finding nothing but confusion in the angel's features. Dean laughs, shaking his head. "Man, you have no idea who or what you're talking about in your sleep, do you?" he chuckles.

"I talk in my sleep?" Castiel asks.

Dean grins. "Oh, yeah. And you say some of the funniest things."

"Such as?"

"You were singing the 'Oscar Mayer Wiener' song."

"What's that?"

Dean smiles. "A commercial jingle from the 90s."

"1990s?"

Dean looks at him. "Did they have commercials in the 1890s? Or 1790s?"

Castiel considers that. "No," he says, before glaring at Dean. "Shut up."

Dean smirks.

_Maybe I'm just crazy  
__Or the devil got inside  
__Either way, my soul is gone  
__And I'll end this all tonight_

_One hand throws the whiskey  
__And the other throws the gun  
__As he cries out to the Heavens  
_"_I am not my father's son!"_


	13. Stand

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics are "Stand" by Rascal Flatts, which I don't own. Sam's lighter in this chapter... actually, a good portion of this chapter is lighter. I hope you guys enjoy, and please review! :D

* * *

Stand

Dean and Castiel watch TV in another nameless motel in another nameless town. Both of them know they should be out doing something, looking for God, _anything_ other than sitting in a motel room waiting for the world to end.

The problem is, there aren't any leads.

People are being massacred, and the boys are doing all they can to not be a part of that and to stop that. But they don't know how many lives they can manage to save while Lucifer does his thing.

And besides, where exactly are the angels in all of this?

Dean sighs, banging his head against the wall in annoyance. Castiel groans inaudibly, knowing what's coming next.

"What the hell are we doing?" Dean finally snaps. "Just sitting and waiting to die?"

"Something like that," Castiel says, shrugging.

"I don't even understand how we've managed to stay under the radar this long. How are we still alive?"

"We keep moving?"

"Is that really working for us? If so, then Lucifer's a moron."

Castiel gestures dismissively. "Power doesn't necessarily mean competence."

"Angels are supposed to be unflawed warriors."

"The only thing that isn't flawed is God."

"And where is He?" Dean practically shouts.

"You're the one with the necklace," Castiel replies. "You tell me."

"It's not like it gives us friggen GPS coordinates. Hell, Dad was easier to follow than He is."

Castiel shrugs.

"How can He be so far away when His creation is burning alive?"

"He is here somewhere. I assure you of that."

"How the hell do you know? What, do you have some gene in you that tells you God's whereabouts?"

"No. But I know Him."

"Have you ever met Him?"

Castiel glares. "You never questioned your father's mission, his life, his goals. You didn't question him at all."

"At least I _knew_ him!"

Castiel rolls his eyes. "When he was gone, and you had no idea where he was, didn't you take it on faith that he was still alive? That he was okay?"

Dean looks at Castiel.

"That's what I have been doing," Castiel spouts. "So, if it makes me feel better to think that God isn't far away, can you at least give me that?"

"I'm sorry," Dean says, his attitude subdued.

Castiel shrugs, saying nothing.

"I hate waiting."

"So do I," Castiel replies. "But, we've been travelling for a while, going to different places, and we haven't found Him yet. But we _will_ find Him."

"Sure," Dean says, not convinced but going with it.

"He _will_ help us."

Dean nods.

"We just need to find Him."

"If you say we will, then we will," Dean resolves.

Castiel nods, exhaling resolutely.

Sam walks in, looking at the two of them as he holds up dinner. "Who's hungry?" he asks, placing the bags down on the table. Dean and Castiel walk over to the table, digging into the food.

*~*~*~*

"Dammit, I'm sick of sitting here," Dean groans, grabbing his jacket. "Come on, let's go out."

"Where are we going?" Castiel asks, grabbing his own coat.

"There are a few bars in town," Sam suggests.

Dean grins.

*~*~*~*

"I don't know about this," Castiel says hesitantly, standing outside the club.

"Don't tell me you've never seen a naked woman before," Dean says.

Castiel looks around nervously.

Dean looks at Castiel incredulously. "_What_?"

"I don't think the girls knew he was there," Sam says to Dean.

Castiel blushes slightly.

"Cas, you sly dog," Dean says. "Well, this is the same deal, except they know you're looking."

"And you have to pay them," Sam adds.

"Yeah, there's that."

Castiel shakes his head. "I can't do this," he says.

Dean shoves him through the door.

The place is dimly lit with glowing neon lights. The stage is a few feet above the floor, with poles at the corners and the end of the runway. A few women were dancing on the stage, more men sitting around them.

"I am going to Hell," Castiel says. "Again."

"If you didn't end up there for spying on innocent women, I don't think this is going to send you there either," Sam points out.

"He has a point," Dean says.

Castiel says nothing, staring up at a well endowed redhead.

*~*~*~*

After a night full of beer, shots, and women, the boys make their way back to the motel. "Dude, Cherry wanted to pop yours," Dean says, nudging Castiel's arm.

"My what?" Castiel asks drunkenly, stumbling.

Dean makes Castiel sit on one of the beds. "Cherry."

Castiel giggles. "You're pretty."

"Dude, I told you that fourth shot was a bad idea," Sam says, giving Dean an amused look through the haze of alcohol in his own system.

"I don't think it was _that_ shot that did him in," Dean replies.

Sam grins. "Rookie drinker."

"Do we have any more tequila?" Castiel asks, looking around.

"Trust me, you don't need any more tequila," Sam says. "You're going to regret this in the morning."

"Especially since you're the reason we got kicked out of the bar," Dean adds.

"Her name was Cherry," Castiel says, shrugging. "I wanted to know if it was because she tasted like a cherry."

Sam snorts back a laugh while Dean tilts his head. "Her name was Cherry because her hair was red," Dean explains with as much patience as his half-drunken self can manage. All three of them have been drinking, but neither of the brothers are as drunk as Castiel.

"She didn't taste like a cherry," Castiel grumbles.

"She's a human being, Cas."

"They generally don't taste like cherries," Sam snickers.

Dean looks over at Sam, who is cackling to himself in the corner.

"Why would you name yourself 'Cherry' if you don't taste like cherries?" Castiel asks Sam, a mix between drunk, angry, and confused.

Sam laughs harder.

"I told you, Cas," Dean says. "She's named Cherry because her hair is red."

"Is he laughing at me?" Castiel asks, drunkenly gesturing at Sam. "Because, if he is, I'll kick his ass." Castiel jumps up before tipping over due to the alcohol in his veins. Dean catches him before he falls, and Sam smirks.

"Would I ever laugh at you?" Sam asks innocently.

Castiel tips his head to the side, trying to figure that out for himself.

"The answer is yes," Dean says, glaring lightly at Sam before turning his attention back to Castiel. "Now, sit down. You can kick his ass tomorrow, when you're sober."

"I _am_ sober," Castiel argues.

"_Right_," Dean says sardonically.

"Because sober people run around, licking strippers to see if they taste like cherries," Sam snickers.

"She didn't," Castiel mumbles sadly.

Sam continues to snicker.

"Do we have any rum?" Castiel asks.

"We have water," Dean says, walking over to the sink and filling a cup.

"I don't want water."

"It's not water, it's rum."

Castiel gives Dean a skeptical look. "Rum doesn't come out of a faucet."

Dean smiles. "It's a magic faucet."

Castiel straightens up on the bed. "I do not trust magic."

"You don't have to trust magic. You just have to trust me."

"Okay," Castiel says with a shrug, taking the cup from Dean. He takes a sip and frowns. "This doesn't taste like the rum at the club."

"It's special rum," Dean explains.

Castiel shrugs again. "Okay."

Sam chuckles as Castiel finishes the water and lays down. After a few moments, the angel is sleeping, and Sam turns to Dean. "He's gonna be mad you lied to him," the younger brother says.

Dean shrugs. "He's gonna be more pissed when he finds out you were laughing at him," he says.

"Dude, he licked a stripper because he thought she'd taste like a cherry! How is that not funny?"

Dean chuckles. "It's hilarious, but dude, you can't laugh to his face."

Sam shrugs dismissively. "He won't remember it in the morning."

Dean laughs. "The look on her face was priceless, though," he concedes.

"Dude, his face was even better," Sam laughs. "He was so upset."

The two brothers share a laugh at the drunken angel's expense.

*~*~*~*

Bobby walks into the motel room the next morning to find Sam sitting at the table, reading a newspaper. Neither Dean nor Castiel are anywhere to be found, but Bobby can hear someone throwing up in the bathroom. Bobby arches his eyebrows, looking at Sam.

"We went out last night," Sam says with a shrug.

"Dean?" Bobby asks.

"Cas."

Bobby smirks slightly.

"If I ever become an angel again, I'm smiting you all," Castiel calls from the bathroom.

"You've already said that," Sam replies, his nose still in the paper.

"I am serious."

"No one made you try to out-drink Dean."

"Why didn't you-" Another round of violent retching is heard from the bathroom, causing Bobby to look at Sam again.

"He tried to out-drink Dean?" Bobby asks.

"Yep," Sam replies, finally putting the paper down.

"I take it Dean won."

Sam shakes his head. "No, Cas won. Dean never took him up on the challenge."

"I see."

"Four shots and two beers later, Cas is licking strippers to find out if they taste like cherries."

Bobby tilts his head, looking at Sam.

"I am not making this up," Sam says, holding up his hands.

"I was there," Dean says, walking in with breakfast. "He's not lying." Dean puts the food on the table. "How you feelin', Cas?" Dean calls out.

"Go die," Castiel replies.

Dean grins. "That good, huh?"

"If I ever become an angel again, I will smite you."

Dean chuckles. "You didn't seem to mind so much last night."

Castiel groans, retching.

Dean laughs harder, pulling out something from one of the bags to eat. "There's extra in there if you want something, Bobby," Dean says.

"I'm good," Bobby replies, watching Sam dig into the bags.

Castiel finally pulls himself out of the bathroom, flopping onto his bed. He curls up, groaning.

"Drink some water," Bobby suggests.

"Tried that," Castiel groans. "That was what I just finished throwing up."

"Just lay down for a while," Sam says. "It'll get better."

"And when it does, I'm kicking your ass."

"Why?"

"You were laughing at me last night."

Dean chokes, laughing slightly.

"You're mistaken," Sam says innocently.

"I am never mistaken," Castiel replies, glaring.

"Really?"

Castiel continues glaring, but doesn't respond.

"You were so convinced Cherry would really taste like a cherry," Sam reminds him.

"I was drunk," Castiel contends.

"Should I tell him that particular idea was planted in his head?" Dean whispers to Bobby.

"Depends," Bobby replies, matching his tone. "Who put the idea in his head?"

Dean smirks.

"No wonder he wants to smite you both."

"Eh," Dean dismisses.

"I am going to smack the crap out of you," Castiel says. "As soon as my head stops hurting."

Dean snickers. "Take a shot from the magic faucet."

Castiel turns his glare toward Dean. "You will die for mocking me."

"Yeah, yeah."

_When push comes to shove,  
__You taste what you're made of  
__You might bend 'til you break,  
_'_Cause it's all you can take  
__On your knees, you look up  
__Decide you've had enough  
__You get mad,  
__You get strong,  
__Wipe your hands,  
__Shake it off,  
__Then you stand_


	14. Not Meant To Be

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics come from "Not Meant to Be" by Theory of a Deadman, which I don't own. These next few chapters take place on the same day/night, just for future reference. :D I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and please review! :D

* * *

Not Meant to Be

Dean, Sam, and Castiel sit in another motel room somewhere in the Midwest, gearing up for the fight. "What are we doing here again?" Dean asks, wiping a gun.

"Hunting," Castiel replies, shrugging as he polishes a knife.

"Hunting what, exactly?"

"Demon," Sam says, looking up from his weapon. "Big one."

"Who?" Dean asks quietly, looking at Sam with mild apprehension. Some of the bigger demons still frighten him from his time in Hell, even though it had been Alastair who tortured him.

"Bobby didn't say who," Sam cuts into Dean's thoughts. "Just that this would be a big fight."

Dean nods. "Where is Bobby?"

"Getting some supplies."

"Where is Lucifer?"

Sam sighs softly. "According to Chuck, Wyoming."

Castiel silently frowns, sheathing the knife before moving to Dean's machete.

"Great," Dean groans. "So, the showdown's coming soon."

"Yeah," Sam breathes.

"And we're wasting our time here because…?"

"We take this guy out, we've got less of them to worry about later," Bobby says as he walks in with his duffel bag full of weapons, ammo, holy water, and salt.

"I am willing to bet that he is not alone," Castiel says, looking over at the newest arrival.

"No. He has an army."

"We're screwed," Dean says softly.

"We pick them off one at a time," Sam says, looking over at Dean.

"Ellen, Jo, and Rufus are on their way," Bobby adds.

"Great. We're gonna need all the help we can get."

"I found somethin' in my searches." Bobby holds up the Colt.

"That's good," Dean says. "We're gonna need that if we're gonna have any chance here."

"Any bullets left?" Sam asks.

"You mean, besides the ones Ruby made a few years ago?" Bobby asks, holding up the box.

"Awesome," Castiel says, smiling slightly. He finds it hard to be completely optimistic, though, when they're about to face what could be the biggest fight of their lives. And, possibly, their last.

"So, we got the Colt and some bullets," Dean says. "Are we sure it's going to kill demons?"

"We better hope so," Bobby asks. "Otherwise, we're gonna lose. Badly."

"On a brighter note, if we don't find God, we have a backup plan."

"Which may or may not work," Castiel points out.

"Well, it's better than nothing," Dean says. "We can't just confront Lucifer without anything."

"Then we better hope like hell that this gun works," Bobby says.

Dean scoffs lightly. "Anyone have some evil paint cans?"

*~*~*~*

The Winchesters, Bobby, and Castiel meet up with Ellen, Jo, and Rufus outside of a creepy looking, abandoned warehouse. "Why can't demons ever hole up in a pleasant looking place?" Jo grumbles lightly to hide her nerves.

"Trust me, this place is a castle compared to Hell," Dean replies, somewhat bitterly.

Jo looks over at him. "What is Hell like?"

"Talk about this some other time," Rufus grunts. "We've got more important things to worry about."

"How many are there?" Castiel asks, looking at the others.

"Too many to count," Ellen replies, pulling herself out of the window. "But, on a brighter note, looks like there are boxes and crates still in there that we can use to our advantage."

"Okay, game plan," Dean says. "We set up, go in hard, fight like hell, and kill as many evil sons of bitches as we possibly can."

"We should split up," Bobby suggests. "Cover more ground."

"Ellen, you and Jo go around to the back," Sam suggests. "Rufus, you and Bobby take the right side. Dean, you and Cas take the left. I'll take the front."

"Why are you going alone?" Dean asks.

"We don't have time to argue," Bobby reminds them.

"When we're in position, we'll text you," Jo says.

"Everybody count to 10 from the time you get the text, then go in," Dean says.

"Watch each other," Ellen adds before grabbing Jo's elbow lightly and rushing toward the back of the warehouse. Bobby and Rufus head to the right side.

"Are you sure you want to do this alone?" Castiel asks.

Before Sam can answer, Dean grabs Castiel's coat collar and drags him to the left.

Sam takes a deep breath after setting up, steadying himself for the biggest fight of his life yet. His phone vibrates, and he looks down to read Jo's text. Time to go.

_One, two, three…_

Dean glances over to Castiel, who is silently praying. Dean takes a deep breath, readying himself for this battle while still knowing that an even bigger one is coming up next.

_Four, five, six…_

Bobby and Rufus look at one another. They nod, understanding that this could be the end for someone, if not everyone. Because the seven hunters are completely outnumbered and, even worse, out gunned.

_Seven, eight, nine…_

Ellen looks over at Jo, who is more confident than ever before. Ellen knows better, though. Behind that confidence, Jo is completely terrified. And for once, Ellen's emotions completely mirror those of her daughter's.

_Ten._

*~*~*~*

Four doors burst open, and the congregation of demons immediately jumps to the attack. Their leader, the boss the group came to annihilate, manages to evade all of the hunters and simply walk out of the back door.

*~*~*~*

Rufus and Bobby are doing their best to lure demons to the traps they have set up already. Once trapped, they work on getting rid of them.

Meanwhile, Ellen and Jo are doing much of the same to any demon that comes close to them using any method they have learned along their journey.

*~*~*~*

Dean and Castiel are double-teaming demons akin to the way Sam and Dean used to work together. It's something that Dean finds odd, yet comforting, and he is thankful that Castiel has somehow managed to become a good enough hunter.

He just hopes Castiel will be able to help them later.

*~*~*~*

A pretty young demon walks up to Sam. "Thank you," she says with a grin.

"For killing you?" Sam replies, glaring.

She laughs. "For freeing our father. He has made sure that all of us have gotten a chance to come back. We will soon have this planet, and there is nothing that you and your hunter friends can do about it."

Sam continues to glare at her. "You're not going to win."

She laughs again. "You're naïve, Sammy. You humans won't win. You can't win. No one can kill Lucifer, except possibly God. And He's nowhere to be found. And as long as Lucifer lives, he will be free. And as long as he is free, we will win."

"He won't be free for long."

She shakes her head. "Poor, ignorant little Sammy. Do you really think you have a chance? Do you really think that any of you are going to make it out of here alive? There are way more of us than there are of you. And, on top of that, the guy you came here for just left."

"You're lying," Sam says, swinging at her.

"Why would I lie to you, Sam?" she asks. "I owe you everything. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here right now. I owe you so much. We all do. If it wasn't for you and your brother Dean, we wouldn't be here."

Sam punches her, and she kicks him down, putting her foot on his throat.

"Of course," she continues. "We owe Lilith a big thank you for acquiring Dean. And we owe an even bigger thank you to John, for whatever he did that messed Dean up so badly. Maybe you had something to do with that too. Of course, we'll never know. And we don't really care to, either. But whatever he did, it worked perfectly for us. Dean had to always go out of his way to protect you. He sold his soul for you. And then, we got him. And Alastair worked on him. And he broke in ways that your daddy never did."

She lifts her foot off Sam's throat, straddling him. She takes out her knife, pressing it against Sam's throat before leaning in close to his ear. "Did you ever think about the fact that maybe, what you got back wasn't all Dean?"

*~*~*~*

"Behind you!" Castiel calls, trying to fight off his own demon as another one goes after Dean.

Dean spins around in time to get thrown against the wall.

*~*~*~*

Bobby and Rufus get thrown around themselves, almost as quickly as they're taking out the demons before them.

*~*~*~*

Ellen and Jo try to keep up with the amount of demons seeking them out, but find themselves pinned down.

*~*~*~*

The major demon, the big name the hunters came for, smirks as he looks back at the warehouse. He just walked away without anyone noticing. All the while, his minions are taking down the six best hunters in the world, along with one former angel. The one that had the guts to fly into Hell and pull Dean Winchester out.

Lucifer will be proud of this victory.

He smugly turns away from the sight of the warehouse, coming face to face with someone he never expected. Someone who scares him with every fiber of his vessel. His breath catches in his throat, and he wipes the smug look off his face as he swallows harshly and manages to find his voice within his vessel.

"Zachariah."

_It's hard to believe  
__That there's no way out for you and me  
__It seems to be the story of our lives  
__Nobody wins when everyone's losing_


	15. Everybody Out of the Water

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics are "Everybody Out of the Water" by The Wallflowers, which I also don't own. I'm going to give the warning about swearing in here, because it's worse than usual, so bear that in mind. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and please review. :D

* * *

Everybody Out of The Water

Dean turns to Castiel, finding the angel pinned by a demon. Dean kills the only other demon near them, proving to be a distraction that breaks Castiel free. The two then kill the demon before them.

"I got an idea," Dean says. "Next time we decide to take down a warehouse full of demons, let's remember that dividing and conquering is a bad idea."

Castiel shrugs. "Fair enough."

*~*~*~*

Bobby and Rufus make their way in toward Castiel and Dean, finding the two younger men surrounded by dead bodies.

"Couldn't have done that with less casualties?" Rufus teases.

Dean half glares. "Shut up," he says.

"The one we came here for is no longer here," Castiel points out.

"How in the hell do you know?" Rufus asks.

"It's kind of his thing," Bobby replies, half-annoyed from the fight.

Ellen and Jo manage to make their way through the bodies around them, reaching the four men who are currently standing in the middle of the warehouse.

"You guys alright?" Ellen asks, looking at them.

"We're alive," Bobby replies, his voice somewhat pained.

"Dean, you're bleeding," Jo observes softly.

Dean shrugs. "I'll be alright," he says.

"Where's Sam?" Ellen asks, looking around. Dean frowns nervously.

"He has not gotten here yet," Castiel says, watching as Dean turns and walks away.

"Cas, you're shaking," Jo notices.

Castiel furrows his brow. "I am?"

"Yeah. And you're bleeding worse than Dean."

Castiel shrugs again before looking down at his injuries. "I'll live."

*~*~*~*

"Sam?" Dean calls out, walking toward the area where Sam should be coming from.

Nothing.

"Sammy?"

Sam coughs, drawing Dean's attention to his direction. Dean immediately rushes to his side. Once there, he sees Sam is bleeding and bruised, but is breathing and sitting up against a crate.

"Sammy," Dean says softly, kneeling beside him.

"I don't know why she didn't kill me," Sam chokes out.

"Who cares? Stop talking. We need to get you to a hospital."

Sam shakes his head. "I'm okay. She knocked the wind out of me, but I'm okay. Nothing's broken."

Dean looks at Sam, concerned. "Sam, you're bleeding."

"So are you." Sam pushes himself up onto his feet, and Dean instinctively reaches out and grabs onto him. "Everyone alright?" Sam asks after a moment.

"They're fine," Dean replies. "Cas is finally realizing what happens when intense adrenaline wears off, but he'll be alright."

Sam nods. "Good."

Dean nods, taking a good portion of Sam's weight as they made their way toward the rest of the group.

"She got away, Dean," Sam says, looking over at his big brother.

"Who did?" Dean asks.

"One of the demons. She was the one who attacked Cas in the park a few months ago, and she got away, as well as their boss."

Dean tilted his head to the side dismissively. "Cas said that he did."

Sam scoffs lightly at Dean's dismissal. "They're going to tell Lucifer we're coming."

Dean shakes his head. "We're not going anywhere until everyone's healed up and ready for another fight. And, until we can figure out something new to try. Because this didn't exactly work so well."

Sam rolls his eyes. "Tell me about it."

The boys meet up with Bobby, Rufus, and Ellen, who are standing in the middle of the warehouse. Jo is kneeling next to Castiel, who is sitting on the floor and leaning against a support beam.

"Dear God," Ellen breathes.

Dean gently helps Sam sit down on the floor, and the younger brother looks up at Ellen. "Does it really look that bad?" he asks.

"Not at all," she replies quickly.

"Why is your mother lying to Sam?" Castiel quietly asks Jo.

"I think she doesn't want to worry him," Jo responds. "How're you doing?"

"Better. It is just slightly cold."

She nods. "I know what you mean."

"I'm going to see if the coast is clear," Dean says. "No one moves until we know for sure."

"I am going with you," Castiel says, standing slowly through the pain of his injuries.

"Cas, stay here."

Castiel squares his shoulders and levels a slight glare. "Dean, no."

Dean groans, realizing that he'd never win a battle of wits against Castiel. He nods, walking away with Castiel right behind him.

They peer out the windows, seeing nothing but shadows. They glance over to one another, nod, and then slowly make their way out of the warehouse door. They look around, shining the flashlight into the darkness before them.

"So nice of you to make an appearance," they hear from behind them. Both of them snap around to find Zachariah standing there. "I wasn't sure you all would actually come here."

"You know, if you wanted to find us, you could've just done your magic angel thing," Dean spouts.

Zachariah turns to Castiel. "Care to enlighten him as to why I couldn't just do that?"

Dean turns to look at Castiel, who shrugs. "I… may have done a few things to hide and protect us," the former angel says sheepishly.

"Is that why Lucifer couldn't find us?" Dean asks.

Castiel nods.

Dean gives Castiel an approving nod. "You're awesome." He turns back to Zachariah. "So, was there a point to this?"

"You're going to need us," Zachariah says.

"Oh, really?" Dean replies. "If we need you so damn badly, where the hell have you been all this time? Why haven't you lifted a damn finger around here to help us?"

Zachariah rolls his eyes. "We don't have time to waste on arguing. You need to come with me, right now."

"I think the only place any of us _need_ to go is to the hospital." Dean turns his back to Zachariah before grabbing Castiel's elbow. "C'mon, Cas. Let's get everyone out of here."

"Do you want to know how this ends?" Zachariah asks as the two men walk away from him. "If you don't come with me right now?"

"Ooo, I'm filled with anticipation," Dean replies, rolling his eyes but glancing over his shoulder nonetheless.

"You all die."

Dean shrugs. "Well, at least we go down swinging."

"You'll never make it. No one will. The world will roast, and everyone will die. That's on you, Dean Winchester."

Dean lets go of Castiel's arm and spins around. "No, it's not," Dean spits with venom as he walks back toward Zachariah. "That's on _you_. That's because you're a _dick_. You angels _wanted_ this. You _want_ us all to burn. You _want_ us all to die. Because you want this planet for your own personal paradise." Dean stops, standing as close to Zachariah as possible without touching. "Well, _fuck you_, and fuck all the angels. You're all sanctimonious pricks with self-righteous sticks up your asses. I'd rather go down fighting than follow you and be your golden boy."

"You're going to let the world burn alive over your selfish pride?" Zachariah says with a hint of amusement.

"No," Dean says darkly, shaking his head with a glare. "No. I'm going to save the world from you pricks. You wanted this, and yet you've done _nothing_ to help out and save us. So why don't you go fuck yourself and get the _hell_ out of my face." Dean turns away, walking back toward Castiel and the warehouse.

"Castiel, my brother," Zachariah says, looking at the other man.

Castiel scoffs lightly. "I am no longer your brother," he says menacingly. "You _ripped _out my grace and _punished_ me by sending me here to be killed in the Apocalypse. You are looking in the wrong direction if you are looking for any sympathy or help. I am human now, and I am with Dean on this one. Go fuck yourself."

The two men turn their backs on the angel, walking away without another word.

*~*~*~*

"Coast is… mostly clear," Dean announces as they walk back into the warehouse.

"Mostly?" Bobby asks.

"Zachariah was outside," Castiel says.

"Did you shoot him for me?" Sam mutters from the floor as Jo tends to his wounds.

"I wish," Dean grumbles.

"Me too," Castiel says softly.

Dean looks over at Castiel critically. "Maybe you have been with me too long."

Castiel shakes his head. "No. It's really that I have been dealing with Zachariah for far too long. I am _sick_ of dealing with him."

"You told him to 'go fuck himself'."

Everyone besides Dean and Castiel arches their eyebrows.

"Three thousand years coming, I assure you," Castiel grunts. "Can we go now?"

Dean snickers. "I like this new you."

Castiel shrugs.

_There's too many bodies, there's not enough room  
__God help me, and God help you  
__They say, 'Nobody panic, help is on its way.  
__We're already on it, you've got to be brave.'_

_If you can fix it now, then don't make us wait  
__Man, there ain't nobody coming,  
__Back away from the case_

_That bell that you here  
__That's Hell ringing in your ears  
__I fear, my dear, this ain't a warning_


	16. You Found Me

A/N: See first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics are "You Found Me" by The Fray. I appreciate all of your support with this story. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and please review!

* * *

You Found Me

Bobby watches as Dean paces back and forth in the waiting room, sighing heavily. "Dean, you already know they're okay," Bobby says.

Dean doesn't answer as Ellen looks up, with Rufus having gone for coffee. Sam, Castiel, and Jo were all being treated for the injuries they incurred.

"What's on your mind, son?" Ellen continues for Bobby.

Dean stops pacing long enough to look first at Ellen, then at Bobby, then back at Ellen. "Nothing," he says softly.

"Kid, don't lie to me."

"This," Dean starts, gesturing in the general direction of the warehouse they came from. "This wasn't a victory. We took out a few of the smaller ones, sure, but it's likely that the boss still walked away. And he probably whispered in Lucifer's ear that we have the Colt."

"We can't worry about that right now."

"That's our next fight, isn't it? Now that we know the Colt actually works, why would we sit around here and wait?"

Ellen looks over at Bobby silently.

"And speaking of here and this fight, how the hell did Zachariah know we were going to be there?" Dean asks as he starts pacing again.

"Hell if I know," Bobby replies.

"Maybe he followed someone," Ellen says.

Dean sighs, continuing to pace back and forth.

Jo walks into the room, looking at everyone.

"What'd they say?" Ellen asks, standing and walking over to her daughter.

"I'm fine," she replies. "And, as I was leaving, Castiel was getting dressed. They were still fussing over Sam."

"So, we know Castiel's alright," Bobby says.

Rufus walks in, putting the trays on the table. He hands cups to Bobby, Ellen, and Jo before taking one for himself. Dean refuses the coffee, but continues pacing.

"Is that helping any?" Jo asks softly.

"What?" Dean replies.

"Pacing. Is it helping?"

"Isn't hurting," Bobby answers for Dean.

"Well, he's gonna make me dizzy," Rufus mutters as Castiel walks in. Dean stops long enough to look over at the newcomer, who takes the cup Rufus offers.

"I can't just sit around and wait for the end anymore," Dean finally says, grabbing his coat.

"Where the hell are you going?" Bobby asks.

"There." Dean gestures beyond the walls of the hospital, and Castiel grabs the cup meant for Dean.

"Let's go," the former angel says.

Dean eyes Castiel warily, but walks out regardless. Castiel follows silently.

"There somethin' between them?" Rufus asks, tipping his cup in the direction of where Castiel and Dean just left.

"A close friendship," Bobby replies. "Castiel's the one that pulled Dean out of Hell. I suppose that has somethin' to do with it."

Rufus shrugs, seemingly pacified. "Dean does have one point, though. We can't just sit around here and wait for the end."

Bobby shrugs. "We know Lucifer's in Wyoming."

Rufus scoffs. "He ain't gonna be there forever."

Bobby rolls his eyes. "Let's let everyone heal up from this fight before we go half-cocked into the next one."

Rufus groans. "We got the Colt. That's good enough."

"Did you not see what just happened here, Rufus?" Ellen pipes up. "If we don't regroup, we're all going to die."

"And if we wait too much longer, we're going to die anyway," Rufus grumbles. "So, what do we have to lose?"

*~*~*~*

Dean finally takes the cup from Castiel as the two of them walk down the empty street. Neither one says a word, because Castiel is drinking from his coffee while Dean simply holds the cup.

After a few moments, Dean's phone rings, and the elder Winchester answers with a soft, "Yeah?"

"_Hey, Dean, it's Chuck_."

"What's going on, Chuck?"

"_Uh… not much. How'd the hunt go?_"

Dean scoffs lightly. "Why do I get the feeling you already know the answer?"

"_He didn't get to go tell Lucifer, if that's what you mean. Zachariah killed him._"

Dean arches his eyebrows. "Well, at least that's one good thing that bastard's done for us."

"_Yeah, I know what you mean. Listen, I got something else for you. There's another big presence in your area._"

Dean groans softly while looking over to Castiel. "We're already pretty beat up from tonight, Chuck. I don't think we can stand another fight."

"_I don't think you have to. I'm getting the feeling this big presence is a good guy._"

Dean snorts. "Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it."

"_Like angels?_"

Dean shrugs as realization sets over him. "I'm hoping your big, good presence isn't Zach."

Chuck chuckles. "_I would have called him Zachariah. And, I definitely wouldn't have called him good._"

"Speaking of him, how did he know we were here?"

Chuck falls silent on the other end of the line.

Dean furrows his brow. "Chuck?" he asks.

"_I… uh… I kinda told him you guys would be in the area,_" Chuck finally says.

Dean stops walking, but says nothing. Castiel stops too.

"_I'm sorry, Dean,_" Chuck says nervously.

Dean sighs heavily. "It's okay," he replies.

Chuck exhales slowly. "_Is everyone alright?_"

"Well, Cas finally got the chance to tell Zachariah off, so I think everything's fine."

Castiel gives Dean a thumbs up.

Dean smirks, starting to walk again. "Even gets a thumbs up from Cas," he reports to Chuck as Castiel starts walking again as well.

"_Anyone get hurt?_" Chuck asks.

"Not by Zach, by the demons. But, everyone's alright."

"_Good, good. In other news, Lucifer's still in Wyoming, but I don't know how much longer he'll be there._"

Dean nods. "Hopefully long enough for everyone to get better and we can fight this fight."

"_You guys have the Colt now. You'll be able to do it._"

Dean frowns lightly. "We almost didn't make it out of this one."

"_Just trust me._"

Dean sighs softly. "Right. Trust the prophet. Alright. Anything else?"

"_Good luck,_" Chuck offers.

"Thanks, Chuck." Dean hangs up, looking over to Castiel.

"What did Chuck have to say?" Castiel asks softly.

"There is a big, good presence here with us," Dean replies. "And that Lucifer's still in Wyoming. Oh, and Zach killed the big demon."

Castiel shrugs one shoulder. "Well, at least he has done one thing right in this Apocalypse."

Dean nods, but looks critically at Castiel. "You doin' okay?" he asks.

Castiel nods, taking a sip from his coffee. "Actually, I can understand why you yell at many people," he says. "It's quite… liberating."

Dean chuckles. "It can be."

"I have wanted to say that to him for a while. As insubordinate as that is."

Dean shrugs. "He deserved it. And then some."

Castiel nods again, smiling, but somewhat subdued.

"Man, I wish I had videotaped that," Dean says. "The look on his face when you told him to go fuck himself… priceless."

Castiel chuckles softly.

"Man, I wish I had that. That was awesome."

"That had been building for thousands of years," Castiel explains.

"Oh, I'm sure it was," Dean replies. "Honestly, I don't know how you put up with him."

Castiel shrugs. "He was my superior. Rebelling was not an option. Or, at least it was not an option I would have considered, up until last year."

Dean says nothing, taking a drink from his coffee.

"Although, lately I have been looking back and wondering what took me so long," Castiel remarks casually.

"You liked leading the garrison?" Dean suggests.

Castiel shrugs again, swirling his coffee. "There is something to be said for being in control, but I do not think on it like that. I would not have ever lead had it not been for Anna leaving, and… well… she was only gone for about 25 years or so. But… I don't know. I think it took coming down here and seeing people up close for the first time. Seeing what free will truly was like. Seeing what Anna had done. That was when I saw what was missing."

Dean glances over. "You started getting attached to us."

Castiel shrugs. "Perhaps. I don't know. I think I was more envious and intrigued than attached, at first. But I was also protective, so I guess you could call it that. But… it was also part of my orders to ensure that no harm would come to you, and I took it very seriously. Still do, I guess. I don't know."

Dean considers what Castiel says, but then scoffs. "You were envious of us?"

Castiel takes a drink from his coffee. "As you pointed out, even the bad dreams are nothing compared to the good things."

Dean nods quietly, sipping from his own coffee.

The two walk in companionable silence for a moment before Castiel looks around. "Where are we?" he asks.

"No clue," Dean replies nonchalantly.

Castiel shrugs, continuing Dean's relaxed behavior. "Fair enough."

Dean chuckles at Castiel. "We've been walking in a straight line, Cas. I don't think we're all that lost yet."

Castiel frowns quickly, but then laughs softly at himself. "How is Chuck doing?" he asks, changing the subject.

"He's the same as he always is," Dean replies.

"Good to know."

Dean nods, before becoming contemplative. "Are you sure Chuck's archangel wouldn't destroy Lucifer if they were in the same place?"

Castiel furrows his brow. "I believe I told you that I did not know for sure."

"Well, how do we find out? I mean, I want as many plans as we can to go after Lucifer."

"I understand. Our best plan is to find God. Second best is the Colt. Third best would be Chuck's archangel. But I do not believe that third will actually be a good idea."

"Yeah, I figured that's a last resort. But right now, the Colt looks…" Dean stops in the middle of his sentence, gasping painfully.

"Dean?" Castiel asks, looking over.

"Son of a…" Dean pants out, pulling his necklace over his head. They look at the medallion, which is glowing and emitting heat, before looking around to see just one other person standing anywhere near them on the street. Dean's breath catches in his throat as he stares at the solitary figure.

"Father," Castiel breathes.

_I found God on the corner of First and Amistad  
__Where the West was all but won  
__All alone, smoking his last cigarette  
__I said, 'where have you been?'  
__He said, 'ask anything.'_

_Where were you when everything was falling apart?_


	17. If Youre Reading This

A/N: Okay, I couldn't leave you all hanging that long after that chapter... and thank you all so much for your support! See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics are "If You're Reading This" by Tim McGraw.

I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable (and actually, the idea also makes me slightly uncomfortable), so God is only referenced rather than written... I hope that eases people's fears about where I was going. That's a line I personally feel I can't cross, and won't. I hope that makes some people feel better (even though no one really commented badly).

Also, please don't hate me, and you might, maybe, possibly want have tissues ready... that's about the only warning I'm giving here. :P And, I'll stop rambling now. I hope you enjoy, and please review!

* * *

If You're Reading This

_Flash._

Dean, Bobby, Castiel, and Sam find themselves in a cemetery, looking around in the cold mist. They look at one another, all thinking the same thing. Just a few moments ago, Bobby and Sam were at the hospital while Castiel and Dean were on the street, and all of them were recovering from the last battle. Dean looks around, completely silent.

"Where are we?" Sam asks softly.

"Looks familiar," Bobby observes.

"Wyoming," Castiel whispers, his voice reverent and knowing. "We're in Wyoming."

"What the hell are we doing here?"

Dean nods into the distance.

"We're at the Devil's Gate," Sam supplies for Dean.

"It's happening now?" Bobby asks, furrowing his brow.

"Guess so."

"Great. Well, do we sit back and get some popcorn and wait to die?"

"We're not going to die," Castiel says softly.

"How do you know?" Bobby asks.

Castiel looks at Bobby. "We found God. He brought us here."

"_What?_" Sam asks, completely shocked and full of disbelief.

"No wonder he's quiet," Bobby says, gesturing at Dean.

"Yes, he is rather quiet," Castiel says, looking over to Dean.

Dean shrugs, still silent.

"So, what are we doing here?" Bobby asks.

"Witnessing the end, I imagine," Castiel says, shrugging. "We have all been here since the beginning. I think He wants us to have the chance to see it through."

Bobby scoffs lightly. "Great."

The four men look off in the distance, finding two barely visible figures through the mist and darkness.

"Why are we back here?" Bobby asks.

"It is too dangerous for us to be any closer," Castiel replies.

Before anyone can say anything else, a group of demons and hellish spirits descend upon the four men.

"What the hell is this?" Dean snaps, his silence finally broken.

"I believe that is an accurate description," Castiel replies, throwing a punch into the demon before him.

Dean groans as he hits the person in front of him. "Now's not the time for jokes, Cas."

"Sorry."

"I thought we were supposed to be safe back here," Bobby snaps as he shoots a demon with the Colt.

"I guess 'safe' is a relative term," Castiel replies.

The four men work hard to fight off the invading army of Hell. The army is trying to get their last kicks in before they are banished back to the Pit, and what better way to do that than to take out the very people who instilled false hope in you in the first place?

Because even the army attacking the four men knows that the battle is over. They know that Hell has lost. And while they still have a few more moments left here on Earth, they are determined to take as many people with them as possible.

They pound on Dean, the man who started the breaking of the seals.

They pound on Sam, the man who broke the final seal and released Lucifer.

They pound on Castiel, the former angel who dared to fly into Hell and save Dean.

They pound on Bobby, the man aiming the Colt at them.

Try as they might, the four beaten hunters are not much of a match for the army, especially since they are still trying to recover from their earlier exploits with Rufus, Ellen, and Jo. The four men end up the ground, lying amongst the tombstones as the demons rain blows down upon them.

A bright light sprays throughout the cemetery, and the wind kicks up. The demons are banished from their hosts and sucked away into the now opened Devil's Gate. The men cover their faces as the light burns white and bright.

After a few moments, the wind stops, and the light fades into the black of the night as the mist rolls back into the cemetery. Everyone lays completely still, eyes still closed.

Finally, Bobby sits up, looking around. The four men are surrounded by the bodies of the demon's vessels. Some of them are starting to wake up and shake off the events of the night. Others are not moving, more than likely having been killed by the entity that invaded their body.

"Everyone alright?" Bobby asks.

A few of the nearby people look at him nervously before nodding. Bobby looks to his side, finding Castiel slowly waking up.

"It's over," Castiel says softly, more as a statement than a question.

"Yeah," Bobby replies. "You still human?"

"I, as you would say, 'hurt like hell', so I would say yes."

Bobby nods, pushing himself up off the ground. He reaches his hand out to Castiel, who takes it.

"We just got done with the hospital," Castiel grumbles softly. "I don't want to go back."

"Yeah, I know," Bobby says. "Suck it up, though."

Dean groans from somewhere under a dead vessel. "Little help here, guys?" he pleads, his voice muffled by the weight on top of him.

Bobby and Castiel walk over, moving the man lying on top of Dean.

"Thanks," Dean says, brushing off his clothes as he stands up.

"You okay?" Bobby asks.

Dean grunts. "I'm super."

"Yeah, you're bleeding."

"So are you two." Dean looks around. "Where's Sam?"

Bobby and Castiel look around, trying to find him. Finally, Castiel spots him a little distance away. "Dean," the former angel says, pointing at the tuft of hair through the misty darkness and the bodies.

Dean rushes over, pushing the empty vessels off of Sam. Sam's eyes are closed, and his breathing is shallow and ragged.

"Sammy," Dean says softly, tapping Sam's cheek gently. "Sammy, wake up."

Bobby and Castiel walk over, but maintain some distance, not wanting to intrude on the moment.

"Come on, Sammy," Dean coaxes softly. "Wake up for me."

Sam's breathing continues to be uneven, slow, and shallow. His eyes remain closed, and Dean checks him over for injuries. Sam's pupils are dilated, and he is bleeding from a blow to the back of the head. He is also bleeding from other wounds on his chest and abdomen, which causes Dean to take off his jacket and press it into the wounds.

"Sammy, open your eyes," Dean says, his voice growing a little more desperate.

Bobby and Castiel look over at one another before taking a step backward to give the two brothers more space.

"We need to get him out of here," Dean says, looking over at the two of them. "We need to get him to the hospital."

Sam unconsciously chokes, and Dean snaps his attention back to his little brother.

"I will see what I can do," Castiel says softly, looking at Bobby. Bobby nods, and Castiel walks away.

"Help me get him up," Dean asks, looking at Bobby.

"He has a head wound," Bobby replies. "It might not be a good idea to move him."

"What are we supposed to do? We can't leave him here."

Headlights appear through the trees, and Bobby and Dean look up. The car stops in front of them, and Castiel gets out of the passenger's seat along with a young woman who is carrying a bag.

"Sadie," Bobby says. "What are you doing here?"

"Jimmy explained that it was demonic possession," she replies, gesturing at Castiel. "That it made me drive here."

"We need to get him to the hospital," Dean says, looking up at her as she kneels beside them.

She pulls a collar out of the bag, putting it around Sam's neck to stabilize him. "Dean, Bobby, lift him up, but keep him as level as possible," she instructs before tossing her keys to Castiel. "You're driving, Jimmy."

"Okay," Castiel replies, scared more about the extent of Sam's injuries than the fact that he's never actually driven a car before.

Dean and Bobby carefully load Sam into the backseat, with Dean sitting beside him. Bobby moves to the passenger's seat, and Sadie remains in the back with the brothers.

"The nearest hospital is just down the road," she says.

Castiel nods, driving carefully.

She checks Sam out, but keeps her face straight as she does so.

"How bad is it?" Dean asks, his voice shaky with fear and emotion.

Sadie bites her lip, looking over at Dean.

Dean sniffs, trying to keep tears out of his eyes.

Sam chokes again, his body gasping for breath. He seizes, and they work on holding him on his side. The shaking subsides after what feels like the longest minute, and when it does, Sam is no longer breathing and his heart is no longer beating.

Sadie and Dean work on trying to perform CPR in the small backseat, while Castiel pulls into the ER of the hospital. He rushes out of the car and into through the doors. "I need some help outside, please," he says. "My friend isn't breathing."

A few nurses and orderlies come rushing, bringing a gurney along with them. Sadie and Dean get Sam out and onto the stretcher, with Sadie still doing compressions. As the medical personnel rush off with Sam, they talk in phrases Dean can barely hear, let alone understand. Bobby ushers the younger man in through the doors.

"I-it's not good, Bobby," Dean says, his voice full of unshed tears.

Bobby's only reply is putting his arm around Dean's shoulders and pulling the younger man into a slight hug.

*~*~*~*

After what feels like forever, but is actually only twenty minutes, Sadie walks over to them. Her eyes are sad, and her shoulders are slumped with the weight of the news she unfortunately has to bear.

With one look, Dean knows exactly what she's going to say, and he pushes his way out of the room. Bobby and Castiel look at each other before staring out the door that Dean just made his way out.

"I'm sorry," Sadie whispers. "He's gone."

_I'm laying down my gun  
__I'm hanging up my boots  
__Tell Dad I don't regret  
__That I followed in his shoes_

_So lay me down  
__In that open field  
__Out on the edge of town  
__And know my soul  
__Is where my Momma  
__Always prayed that it would go  
__If you're reading this,  
__I'm already home._


	18. So Far Away

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics are "So Far Away" by Staind. There are 2 chapters after this one, and I have a timetable for updates, so this story will be done being up by the end of the week. :D *puts out tissues again* I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and please review! :D

* * *

So Far Away

Dean walks into the room, finding Sam's body stretched out underneath a clean, perfect, white sheet. His wounds have been cleansed, and his clothes are in a bag on the floor, having been cut off in the rush to save his life.

The rush that failed.

Dean swallows hard, staring down at the broken body of his little brother as he sits on the stool beside the gurney. Because he has been cleaned and his wounds are barely visible, Sam looks more like he is sleeping rather than dead. Dean picks up his little brother's hand, holding it between his own. Sam's hand is still warm, and Dean closes his eyes and licks his lips slowly.

"I'm sorry, Sammy," Dean whispers. He leans forward, letting go of Sam's hand and bringing his own up to his face. He opens his eyes while his hands cover his nose and mouth.

Sam's eyes are closed, and his face is relaxed and peaceful. His hair has been neatened, and if it wasn't for the fact that his chest was completely still, Dean would've sworn that he was watching his little brother take a nap, much like Dean used to do when Sam was a little kid. But Sam's body is at rest, the collar off of his neck, the sheet tucked under his armpits while his arms are down by his sides.

He looks like he did that time at the house, on the mattress on the floor. The time Dean stayed watch for the longest hours, hoping by sheer wish-fulfillment that Sam would start breathing again. Start living again. Start being Sam again.

Dean feels it now, like it was then. And, like it was then, it isn't meant to be.

Dean frowns, sniffling back the tears that are threatening to fall. "I'm so sorry, Sammy," he whispers again, swallowing. "I failed you. Again. And… and I don't know how I'm going to do this. I can't lose you. Not again."

Dean watches Sam, half-expecting the younger brother to jump up at any moment and say something. Yet, nothing would come. Nothing will ever come. Because Sam is dead, and Dean can't help thinking that once again, this is all his fault. Once again, he destroyed his family. The family he swore to protect.

Tears leak out of Dean's eyes, and he swallows again with a harsh sniffle. "I failed you, and I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do this without you, Sammy. I just… I can't."

Dean leans down, resting his head against Sam's tranquil, pale arm. The tears burn down Dean's cheeks, blending onto Sam's cooling arm and the stagnant sheet below it.

*~*~*~*

Castiel feels his knees give out and he sits down, watching as Bobby walks away from Sadie's touch and out of the doors of the hospital. His time as a human with Sam and Dean has taught him that Bobby is better left by himself at the moment to deal with things. Sam and Dean are the closest things Bobby has ever had to children, and Castiel can appreciate how hard this must be. Castiel also feels his own sorrow, as Sam has become a good friend to him.

Sadie sits down next to him, reaching over and putting her hand on Castiel's arm. "Are you okay?" she asks gently, her voice smoothed with empathy.

Castiel swallows the lump forming in his throat, the one he doesn't exactly know what to do with yet. He shrugs his shoulders. "I don't really know," he replies softly.

She nods, stroking his arm. "I understand."

"Sam was a good… brother. I have often felt that I have needed to look out for him, and for Dean."

Sadie nods again, watching Castiel sympathetically as he looks up at her.

"I cannot believe he is gone," he says, tears starting to fall down his cheeks. He realizes that if he had felt emotions, these are the same ones he would have felt when his brothers and sisters were dying last year. And all he can do right now is just let them flow.

Sadie moves her hand off of Castiel's arm, reaching around his shoulders. He leans into her, wrapping his own arms around her as he begins to cry against her shoulder.

*~*~*~*

She moves into the doorway, standing in the only light entering the room. Dean sniffles, looking up at her. "Anna," he whispers sadly.

"Hello, Dean," she replies, walking through the door.

Dean sits upright, rubbing his hand under his nose while sniffing again. "What brings you here?"

"I came here with a message."

Dean tilts his head. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you?"

She nods slightly. "I know, strange. But He knows that I'm the only angel you'll listen to."

He shrugs. "I'd listen to Castiel."

"But he's not an angel anymore. At least, not at the moment."

He nods, sticking his lower lip out pensively. "Before you get to the message, just tell me one thing."

She blinks slowly before nodding. "Anything."

"Is it over?" he asks, somewhat hopeful.

"Yes."

Dean nods, sighing softly.

"He sends His thanks. He also wants you to know that Sam is at peace now, and you will be too when your time comes."

Dean closes his eyes, swallowing hard. "It doesn't make it any better," he says, opening his eyes and looking at Sam's corpse.

Anna frowns softly. "I know what you mean," she says, moving next to Dean. "Which is why He wants me to do this, as a way to give you His thanks and show you how much He cares for you." She gently moves Dean aside, putting her hands on Sam's chest and forehead.

After a moment, Sam's chest begins to rise and fall, breathing on its own. Dean slides back a bit, just watching the man in front of him breathing.

"Sam is asleep, for now," Anna explains quietly, causing Dean to look at her.

"Sam…" he says softly.

Anna puts her hand on Dean's shoulder. "He will be fine. He's just asleep."

Dean nods. "What…"

"This is a thank you for your services in the Apocalypse, Dean. You did everything Castiel asked of you. You were a brave and dependable soldier in the war. As well as ensuring both of your places in Heaven, He wanted Sam to live. Especially since he died while fighting the final battle."

"He…"

"Sam will be the Sam you've known for years, except older and wiser. Sam will know all has been forgiven, everything he has done. He will be at peace."

Dean scoffs lightly. "For now, at least. What… what do I have to do?"

Anna smiles slightly. "Live your life as you choose."

"That's it," Dean says skeptically.

"Yes," Anna replies.

Dean frowns. "I don't understand."

"You have earned the favor, Dean. Sam is the most important thing to you in the world. Everyone in Heaven knows the lengths you will go to save him. You are dedicated and loyal. You deserve to not have to live with Sam dead. Not right now."

Dean shakes his head, looking at Sam's now breathing body. "I don't…"

"Yes, you do. You are a good person, Dean. You have been helpful not only to myself, but to Castiel and the rest of Heaven. We are happy to help you here."

Dean closes his eyes before nodding slowly.

"We owe you a lot, Dean," Anna says. "This is the least we could do."

"Thanks," Dean replies, looking up at her.

She nods. "I must go. Good luck, Dean Winchester."

"Wait, Anna. What about…"

She raises her hand. "As far as the staff knows, you did not come here. And all of you guys are fine, in spite of everything."

"Thanks."

She nods, disappearing before his eyes.

Dean turns his attention back to Sam, who groans softly and wakes up. "Dean?" he asks sleepily.

"Yeah, Sammy," Dean replies, giving his little brother a small smile.

"Where am I?"

"You're in a hospital in Wyoming."

Sam furrows his brow, half in confusion and half still trying to wake up. "Why?"

Dean raises and drops his eyebrows quickly. "Buddy, I don't think you're going to believe this…"

*~*~*~*

Sam and Dean make their way out of the hospital, finding Bobby leaning up against the wall of the ER. Bobby does a double take at seeing Sam up and walking around.

"Dean," Bobby says warningly.

"My soul is safe," Dean replies, holding up his hands. "This came from above."

Bobby eyes Dean skeptically.

"Do I have to ask Anna to come back down here and explain it to you?" Dean asks.

"Sorry if I don't believe it right away," Bobby retorts. "But last time Sam magically jumped back from the dead, your ass was goin' to Hell a year later."

Dean frowns. "I've learned from _that_ mistake."

"Enough of that," Sam says. "I'm hungry, so let's grab Cas and get something to eat."

"Where is Cas?" Dean asks, looking at Bobby.

"I left him in the waiting room," the older man says.

"No. We walked by the waiting room on our way out. It was empty."

Bobby shrugs, shaking his head. "I left him and Sadie in the waiting room. I haven't seen 'em come out here."

Dean sighs, concern festering deep within him. "We need to track him down."

_And now that we're here,  
__It's so far away  
__All the struggle we thought was in vain  
__And all the mistakes  
__One life contained  
__They all finally start to go away_

_And now that we're here,  
__It's so far away  
__And I feel like I can face the day  
__I can't believe  
__That I'm not ashamed  
__To be the person that I am today_


	19. If I Am

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics are "If I Am" by Nine Days. I'm glad you guys are all enjoying this story! This is the second to last chapter, which should be up in a few days. Special shout-out: **poestheblackcat**... You asked a question about Sadie in chapter 17... you get your answer here. :D Here, you'll find out what happened to Cas. :D As always, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and please review. :D

* * *

If I Am

Castiel sits on the bench in the courtyard of the hospital, and Sadie sits down beside him. Both of them are quiet for a moment before Castiel turns to her.

"Thank you for everything," he says, giving her a small smile.

"You are very welcome, _Castiel_," she replies.

Castiel stiffens slightly. "How... what…"

Sadie smiles slightly. "I am aware you and I have never met, as there are so many of us in Heaven and we were not in the same garrison. My garrison is responsible for making sure that the human vessels remained safe and demon-free, on the off chance that they would be needed."

Castiel is mystified, but remains silent.

"Which, brings me to my next point, that Sadie here is merely a vessel. And a pretty one at that. Fortunately for her, she will be more like Jimmy Novak- when I leave, she will be fine."

"I see," Castiel says. "So, when you told us that a demon took you here…"

"A minor bluff I was ordered to tell," she explains. "Dean Winchester and Bobby Singer were not to know that I was actually an angel."

"What brought you down here?"

"Saving Sam Winchester. Which, unfortunately, I was too late for. Thankfully, the order came down that Sam was to be restored to life."

"So, Sam Winchester is alive again."

"Yes. Anna brought him back."

Castiel nods slowly. "What is it that you need from me?"

Sadie turns her body toward Castiel. "Anna has informed me that you are aware that you have a decision to make," she says.

"I am," he says softly.

"Here are the terms. You can return to Heaven as an angel, and you will be most revered. Even though you rebelled against Zachariah's orders, you were acting in the way our Father would, so the option is there for you to become an angel again. Your other choice is that you can remain on Earth, as a human, and live out a relatively normal human life."

Castiel tilts his head. "Relatively normal?"

"As I am sure you have figured out by now, there is nothing normal about knowing the darker sides of the world."

Castiel shrugs.

"If you do remain human," Sadie continues. "When you do die, you may or may not get your grace back. I cannot tell you that for sure. I can only tell you what is to come at least for the next few years."

"So, I have at least a few years here," Castiel surmises.

"Yes."

"What about Sam and Dean?"

Sadie shakes her head. "This is not about them, Castiel. This is about you. Your world, your grace, your life. Your choice."

Castiel bites his bottom lip pensively.

"I do not wish to rush you too much, but there is a slight time limit here," she presses after a moment. "We are being pulled off the Earth, we angels, as we speak."

"Before I make my decision, I want you to tell me one more thing," Castiel says.

"Yes?"

"What will happen to Zachariah and the angels who allowed for this?"

Sadie frowns slightly. "I am afraid that is out of my hands."

"Surely, you know."

"Well, Zachariah's… 'punishment'… is not exactly protocol."

Castiel shrugs, but looks pensively happy. "Yes, but I rather like this version of punishment."

She gives him a small smile. "I am sure you do," she says. "You are still alive."

He nods.

"I imagine that they will be demoted, if not thrown to Hell or killed," she continues. "However, I do not know."

He nods again, staring out across the courtyard.

"The world is safer because of you and the Winchesters," she adds. "No one will ever deny that. When all was lost, you took care of things, and you saved the world. You kept your head about you, you learned quickly, you adapted, and you won."

"Are you trying to convince me to leave this world?" he asks, turning to her.

"I am simply making sure you are aware of everything."

"I'm well aware of what these past few months have been, trying to survive, evading both Heaven and Hell as much as possible. Being afraid of getting caught in the crossfire. I think I know that better than you."

She gives him a nod of acknowledgement. "You know what awaits you in both cases."

Castiel sighs heavily, looking back out across the courtyard.

*~*~*~*

Dean makes his way into the courtyard behind the hospital, finding Castiel slumped over on the bench. He rushes over.

"Cas?" he calls.

Castiel doesn't move or react, but Dean notices that Castiel is, at the very least, still breathing.

"Cas, wake up," Dean says, shaking Castiel gently despite his overwhelming worry.

Castiel groans softly, opening his eyes. "Sadie," he whispers softly.

"Do I look like Sadie?" Dean replies, concern veiled in his sarcasm.

"No. Where is Sadie?"

"What do you mean?"

"Sadie. The nurse. Where is she?" Castiel sits up, and Dean grabs his arm.

"Cas, you were conked out on the bench here, buddy. You okay?"

Castiel groans softly, mostly annoyed at the questioning. "Yes."

Dean nods, looking around. "Where was the last place you saw Sadie?" he asks softly.

"She was sitting next to me," Castiel replies.

"Okay. What'd you do?"

Castiel levels a glare at Dean. "Why do you assume I did something? I'm not you."

Dean shrugs. "Call it wishful thinking."

Castiel shakes his head. "She put her hand on my forehead. Next thing I know, you're waking me up."

Dean furrows his brow as Sam and Bobby approach. "Why did she put her hand on your forehead?" Dean asks.

"I don't know," Castiel replies.

Dean swallows. "Are you Castiel or Jimmy?"

Castiel knits his brow pensively. "Castiel."

"Are you an angel or a human?"

"Considering the fact that I'm pretty confused and thinking about how much I want to hit you, it's pretty safe to say I'm human, genius," Castiel snaps slightly.

"Geez," Dean says. "I'm only trying to help."

Castiel turns to Sam and Bobby. "Have you guys seen Sadie?" he asks them.

"Sadie?" Bobby asks.

"The nurse," Sam says. "I haven't seen her."

Castiel stands up, walking toward the woods that line the courtyard.

"Cas?" Dean asks, following along. Sam and Bobby follow behind them.

"Sadie!" Castiel calls out.

"Get away from me," Sadie replies from the darkness.

Castiel makes his way over to her, kneeling in front of her. "Sadie, we're here to help you."

She scoffs, shaking her head in utter disbelief. "Sam's dead. But yet, he's up and walking around."

"The angels brought him back."

"Angels."

Castiel nods.

Sadie sighs. "I was awake for him dying," she says softly. "I didn't want him to die."

"I'm not dead," Sam says softly, walking forward.

Sadie nods. "I can see that."

"How much do you remember?" Dean asks.

"I remember enough," she replies before looking to Castiel. "Enough to know that Anna's proud of you."

"I know she is," Castiel says.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you want to say here? In this world? With the demons and the ghosts and the monsters? Why would you do that?"

"World just got a little safer," Dean assures her gently.

Sadie turns to him. "Maybe Lucifer's back in Hell, but there are still demons, and angry spirits, and all the other monsters," she says.

"Hey, I didn't say it was completely safe."

She shakes her head. "I'm sorry. I just… I don't know. It's hard to… to _know_."

"Believe me when I say, we understand," Sam says.

"I don't doubt that," Sadie says. "When we first met, you guys said his name was Jimmy and that he was mobbed. Now, I know his name isn't Jimmy, so what really happened?"

"Cas was jumped by a demon," Dean says. "And, before you ask, I'll make a long story short and tell you that Cas used to be an angel. Jimmy used to be his vessel."

Sadie nods, sighing. "One more thing. Can I go home now?"

"Of course," Castiel says, standing. He holds his hand out towards her, and she takes it.

"Angels don't feel anything, right?" Sadie asks.

"No."

She keeps looking at Castiel while gesturing at Dean. "Is that why he asked for the strange order?"

Castiel nods.

Sadie digests the information before giving Castiel a hug. "Good luck," she whispers to him, before doing the same with Sam, Dean, and Bobby. She walks away, leaving the four men alone in the courtyard.

"So, what did she mean when she said Anna's proud of you?" Dean asks.

Castiel sighs. "A demon didn't bring Sadie here," he explains. "An angel did."

"Why?"

"To help us save Sam. Which didn't happen, and is why Anna had to come down. The angel inside Sadie gave me the choice- angel or human. I chose human."

"Not to parrot Sadie here, but why?"

"We already had this conversation, Dean."

"Feelings, good and bad, are better than nothing," Sam says softly.

Castiel looks over at Sam and nods.

"So you chose Earth over Heaven," Dean says.

"Boy, you are an idjit," Bobby says.

"Be that as it may, you are stuck with me," Castiel says.

Bobby rolls his eyes. "Great."

"And, you wait. I will be better at fixing cars than you are in no time."

Bobby laughs.

"You do realize, Cas, that this means you can't smite us," Dean says, smiling.

"No," Castiel concedes with a grin. "But I can kill you."

"Enough," Bobby says. "Let's get back to the damn cars."

_The answers we find  
__Are never what we had in mind  
__So we make it up as we go along  
__But you don't talk of dreams,  
__And I won't mention tomorrow  
__And we won't make those promises  
__That we can't keep_


	20. When Its Over

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Title and lyrics are from "When It's Over" by Three Doors Down. Thank you all so much for coming along on this story journey with me. I'm glad that so many of you enjoyed and favorited this story. Thank you all. I hope you guys enjoy this last chapter as well. :D

* * *

When It's Over

_Sam sits on his bed, leaning back against the pillows. He feels a weight sink onto the bed, and he looks over to find Jessica there._

"_Jess," he breathes softly._

"_Hi, Sam," she replies, smiling._

_Sam is slightly timid, wondering what is going on._

"_You don't need to be afraid," she tells him gently. "I'm not here to hurt you. I'm not even here to ask you why."_

_Sam furrows his brow._

"_I came here to say that I love you," she continues. "And, that I don't blame you. I forgive you, and I'm sure everyone else does now that it's over. I'm proud of you."_

"_Jess…"_

"_Please, Sam. Forgive yourself. Stop blaming yourself. Everything will be okay now. And, I would love for you to move on."_

_Tears threaten to come to his eyes, and he sighs. "Jess…"_

"_I love you, Sam. And I want you to be happy."_

_Sam nods, falling quiet._

*~*~*~*

_Dean leans against the hood of the Impala, drinking a beer. He stares out across the lake, feeling at peace for the first time in a long time._

"_You did it," a voice says behind him._

_Dean scoffs lightly. "I did somethin', alright," he replies, feeling his peace start to dissipate._

_John walks over, standing next to Dean. "I'm proud of you."_

_Dean shakes his head. "How can you be, Dad? Sam and I started this. We had to finish it."_

_John sighs softly, watching as his eldest son takes a drink from the beer._

"_And, while I'm at it," Dean says. "Why didn't you ever tell us about Adam? Maybe we could've saved him from the ghouls."_

"_I'm sorry, Dean," John replies._

_Dean shakes his head again. "I should be sayin' that to you. I failed you, Dad."_

_John snorts lightly. "I should be sayin' that to you."_

_Dean looks down. "Before you died, you asked me to stop Sammy from going dark-side. You made me promise to kill him before it comes to that. And… and I didn't. And look what happened."_

_John shrugs one shoulder. "You saved the world. You and Sam. You saved this family."_

_Dean frowns. "Yeah, and how many other families are ruined?"_

_John sighs. "That's not your fault."_

"_Isn't it?" Dean asks, looking over._

"_You know, you were peaceful until I walked over," John says softly, furrowing his brow._

_Dean sighs heavily._

"_I'm sorry," John continues. "I'm sorry that I put the weight of the world on your shoulders when you were younger. Maybe if I didn't… you could accept that you did good here. That I'm proud of you."_

_Dean finishes his beer. "You know, years ago, that was all I wanted," he says. "To make you proud of me. But… I don't know. It's like, as soon as I got back from Hell, I had to do as much good as I could. Make up for what I did down there. Maybe if I had been paying attention to Sam, I would have known…"_

"_You couldn't know the game the angels were playing, Dean," John says._

_Dean scoffs. "All of this sounds strange coming from you."_

_John chuckles. "Yeah, I know. It's true, though. I taught you how to deal with every evil supernatural thing there was. I never prepared you for dealing with angels."_

_Dean nods. "You know, when you died, all I kept asking myself was why. Why did you sell your soul for me? Why did you die so I would live? I kept asking it until Sam died. Then everything was clear."_

_John nods._

"_But… we're both alive now. We're both well. And… we're okay."_

"_Yeah," John says. "You boys stopped needing me a long time ago."_

_Dean shrugs. "We still need your journal," he jokes, smirking._

_John laughs before turning serious again. "I messed up. But, I'm proud that you raised yourself and Sam, and you both turned out okay. Just keep watching out for each other…" John pauses, tilting his head back and forth. "…And Castiel. He's pretty much one of us now."_

_Dean nods with a smile. "You know we will."_

"_I'm proud of you both. Even though you made this mess, you stuck in it until you had made things right. That's what I'm proud of."_

_Dean nods again, and John puts his hand on Dean's shoulder._

"_Never forget that," John says._

"_I won't," Dean replies._

"_And, thank Castiel for me."_

_Dean snorts lightly. "I will."_

_John squeezes Dean's shoulder before walking away._

*~*~*~*

Dean opens his eyes, waking up in the darkness. He sits up on the bed before looking over.

Sam is sprawled on the other bed, sleeping peacefully for what Dean guesses is the first time in a long time. Dean himself feels more rested than he has in years, mostly because the worst is over.

After surviving and ending the Apocalypse, what could be worse?

Dean stands silently, spreading the blanket back up over Sam as his younger brother has begun shivering in his sleep. Satisfied, Dean moves toward the bathroom.

As he walks out, he glances over at Castiel, who is sleeping on the couch. Dean makes a mental note to start going to motels where they can get cots, so that no one to be crunched up when they get stuck without the bed.

"Mmm…" Castiel moans softly, and Dean smirks. There's nothing more amusing than Castiel's mind when he's sleeping, except Castiel's mind when he's drunk.

"Who's the star tonight?" Dean asks softly, climbing back into his own bed.

"Cristian De La Fuente…"

Dean bursts out laughing, his voice echoing in the silence of the room. Sam wakes up, looking over at his older brother while Castiel continues sleeping.

"De'n?" Sam asks, still half asleep.

"Sorry," Dean says genuinely.

"What's so funny?"

"That's awkward," Castiel mutters sleepily.

"Cas is dreamin' about Cristian De La Fuente," Dean says. "You know, _that_ kind of a dream."

Sam furrows his brow. "Who's that?" he asks.

"He's an actor. Done a few movies and shows."

Sam is still confused, more at how Dean knows that than at anything else. "Does he even know who that is?"

Dean chuckles, turning his attention back to Castiel. "I doubt it."

"Lime green Oxfords," Castiel mutters.

"You ever think maybe we should gag him when he sleeps?" Sam asks.

"Nah," Dean replies. "He's way more entertaining this way."

Sam chuckles, looking over at Castiel. After a few moments, Sam says, "you know what I keep thinking?"

"What's that?" Dean asks, looking over.

"What do you think Dad would say about all of this?"

Dean sighs. "He'd be proud of us for fixing our mistakes."

"You think so?"

Dean smirks slightly, nodding. "Yeah, I do."

Sam nods. "You ever wonder if we have lost parts of ourselves with all the times we've been dead and brought back to life?"

Dean shrugs. "I don't know. If we did, I think we also learn something else, so it kind of works out."

Sam shrugs. "Yeah, I guess." The two brothers fall silent, starting to settle back into their beds.

"No," Castiel says, breaking his silence. "Touch me here."

Sam and Dean share a laugh.

*~*~*~*

Bobby walks in the next morning, followed by Rufus, Ellen, and Jo. Dean is sitting in his bed, flipping through channels on the muted TV. Sam and Castiel are still asleep.

"You boys okay?" Ellen asks softly, trying not to wake the sleeping men.

"We're good," Dean replies, smiling.

Jo walks over, sitting down next to Dean on the bed. The other three sit down at the small table.

"So, we figure you boys owe us breakfast," Rufus says.

"What?" Dean asks. "Dude, we just saved the world. Shouldn't you be buyin' us breakfast?"

Rufus scoffs. "No way."

Sam wakes up, looking over at Dean and Jo. "Morning," he says softly.

"Morning," Jo replies sweetly.

"Rufus seems to think we owe them breakfast," Dean starts.

"Hell no," Sam says. "We just saved the world, man. I think that warrants a free breakfast."

"How about this?" Rufus starts. "We buy for you two, but angel-boy fends for himself."

"Castiel doesn't have much money yet," Dean replies. "We haven't taught him the finer points of poker."

"You need to get on that," Jo teases.

Dean frowns playfully. "We hadn't gotten there yet. We were a little busy, you know, trying to save the world."

Jo rolls her eyes and pushes Dean's arm gently as he smirks.

Sam gets up, heading for the bathroom while Castiel rolls over.

"Ten bucks says he starts talking soon," Dean says to Jo.

Jo smiles. "He talks in his sleep?" she asks.

As if on cue, Castiel sings, "I'm too sexy for my shirt." The hunters all look at one another as Castiel pulls his shirt off in his sleep.

Dean laughs heartily, and the others quickly follow suit, including Sam, who has made his way out of the bathroom.

Castiel wakes up, confused by all the laughing until he realizes he's not wearing a shirt. "Who thought this was a good prank?" he asks darkly, looking at Dean.

"Hey, that was all you," Dean says, holding up his hands.

"You were singin', too," Bobby adds.

"I do not sing," Castiel says with a glare before snatching his shirt and pulling it on.

"You do when you sleep," Dean tells him.

Castiel furrows his brow.

"You know way more in your sleep than you do when you're awake," Sam says.

"What do you mean?" Castiel asks.

"Do you know who Cristian De La Fuente is?"

Dean snickers.

"No," Castiel says.

"He's an actor," Jo explains. "Very hot."

"And you were dreaming about him," Dean chuckles.

"I don't believe you," Castiel says, glaring.

"You were, and you do talk in your sleep," Sam says.

"I've seen it too," Bobby adds.

"We all just saw it," Ellen throws in.

"Either way," Rufus says. "Now that you're awake, let's grab some breakfast."

"Can I shower first?" Castiel asks, getting up.

"Make it quick."

"Or Rufus'll turn you into target practice," Bobby adds.

"Ooo, I'm shaking," Castiel retorts sarcastically, moving to the bathroom.

"He's been hangin' out with you boys for far too long," Ellen says.

"That's because we're fun," Dean says, smirking. "If we weren't, he wouldn't have chosen to stay with us."

Ellen shakes her head. "You boys have corrupted him."

Dean shrugs. "Eh, he wasn't as innocent as you would think."

Sam chuckles.

"Did we resolve who's buying?" Dean asks.

"How about everyone pays for themselves?" Jo suggests.

"Sounds good to me," Sam says.

Castiel comes out of the bathroom after a few moments, and the group departs from the hotel room for breakfast.

"Have I always talked in my sleep?" Castiel asks.

"Yep," Bobby replies.

"Why didn't any of you say anything before?"

"It was just way too funny," Dean replies, grinning.

"You're a dick," Castiel says.

"Maybe. But, remember, you chose to stay here and deal with me."

"I think it's secretly because he's so in love with you," Jo teases.

"Oh, you know it," Castiel jokes back, throwing an arm around Dean's shoulders.

The group laughs as Castiel lets go of Dean's shoulders.

"You definitely are corrupted," Ellen says.

"I think the argument could be made that I was not always so innocent," Castiel says.

Dean snickers. "Yeah, but then again, you wouldn't have thought licking a stripper was a good idea until more recently," he says.

Castiel glares at Dean. "I will get you back for that."

Dean laughs. "Oh, bring it on, Angel-boy."

Sam rolls his eyes. "God, now there's two of them," he groans.

"Shut up, Sam," Castiel and Dean say simultaneously.

_Where will you be  
__When it's over  
__And all the pride you hold inside  
__Is gone  
__Tell me, where will you hide?  
__When it's over,  
__And everything you know  
__Is said and done  
__When it's over,  
__Where will you run?_

The End.


End file.
